Thursday, September 30, 2004

*hun-dy i have a blocked nn-dose..*

feel so damn groggy today.chilly nite last nite n din get much sleep coz my nose was blocked.how crappy is that..had a long day n was so looking forward to crash on the bed tapi ended tossing n turning n bugging the shit out of my man with my restlessness :P nothing worked;i took a sleeping pill,had vicks vaporub slathered all over my chest n nose,propped my pillows higher ..din work..i think i passed out at one point coz i woke up in a rather awkward position..with a stiff neck,and two huge kuih pau-sized eyebags!

ive juz finished clearing out my desk..still need to look for a big box to dump all my stuff in.god i hv a lot of junk,lets see..toothbrush,toothpaste,nailclipper,files n folders,organizers,keychains,kitkats,my huge collection of sharpened pencils(cant stand unsharpened pencils!),mineral water bottles,payslips,photos,tax return forms,technical manuals,bank statements,cellphone bills,textbooks,magazines,posters,paperbags,cellphone charger,and last but not least,my huge trusty coffee mug which has helped a lot during those stressful times and long nites at work.

can't believe im actually gonna leave this place tomorrow.dunno lah..as much as i hate this place,i know im gonna miss it so much too.its always been a love-hate relationship i guess,'tween me n this place.

i remembered having big dreams of bringing up this place 2 years ago,changed all outdated equipment so that our service will be more reliable and efficient to the public..also tried to change my staffs' working attitude so that they will work better together..did i succeed?oh well,unfortunately,the company's dire financial status sort of membantutkan some of my plans of upgrading the system and network..but a lot had been done and improved which is good enough for me.but i dunno bout the attitude change part.i see most of them are quite ok about taking orders from a young,female boss.maybe the time when i renovated the whole office complete with brand new plush furniture n fresh coat of paint(peach!)helped me into their hearts a bit.oh god,u would never imagine what i felt when i first stepped into this office..my initial thoughts were like.."damn,is this where im gonna spend 10hours of living a day??its a bloody reban ayam!!" i admit there are a few who r a bit skeptical n cynical bout the way i run my little unit here..but id like to think that i did my best here,did whatever i could to help and motivate my staff to work better.din juz order ppl around,got my hands dirty too doing the job with them.

..now off to greener pastures!!mooooo!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

not so manic monday

weekend came and went too fast!blurhg..so not ready for monday :(
aaanyways,last nite had a family dinner thing.celebrated my bro's 28th bday.it was fun,haven't seen my lovely nieces n nephews for a while.as i was holding my bro's 3 month old baby,Emelda,sleeping and drooling in my arms..god i cant wait to hv one of these beautiful things of my own.
next year ok,sayang..i hope he/she will have his beautiful eyes..and my curly hair! :) ..sshhhh..i secretly hope the first one is a girl too!
counting the days until i start my new job.still havent start clearing out my desk tho..kesian my colleague who will be taking over my post here,hv to squeeze into one of the small cubicles while waiting for me to vamos.
today's going by painfully slowly..cant wait for friday - alicia keys coming to town!

Sunday, September 26, 2004

down bad memory lane

hubby suggested dat we go down to seremban and visit our old skools over there..juz to see how much things have changed(if any).he used to go to KTJ n i was a TKC girl.its not that i hate the skool,it was the most fun time of my life..the frens i had..still as close as ever with the girls.however many fond memories i had while i was there for 5 years,there was still this little black dot in my memory book.a black mark ive managed to block out for so many years now.you see,the more closer i got to my skool frens,the more far apart i got with my parents and family.i never really got over the thought that i was actually sent there by my parents so that they can be rid of me.ok,maybe that's not wat they actually said to me but that was how i felt.i mean,id always had the idea that im not the favorite child in the family,and sending me away for 5 years just about confirms it.it was horrible..seeing all my other frens' with their parents n siblings..laughing together,picnic-ing round de skool greens..family weekend outings..while i literally had to beg,pujuk,even cried on de many phone calls to my mum..juz to make them come visit me.juz to remind them about the other daughter here who really2 needed their love,assurance and support..i felt abandoned here..like they didnt care at all,like they're relieved that im out of their sight.all i needed was to be in constant contact with my family,to know wat's goin on in their lives,to share the hell stuff i had to go thru here..instead,they cut me off.i truly despised them at one point.exam seasons were the worst,while other parents came down to visit their kids and give moral support,i had to lock myself up in my room n pujuk myself.it was terrible..during PMR n SPM,they couldnt be bothered to even see me n wish me luck n doakan me!n all this while they were staying a merely 45 mins away!

but that was then..eversince i left skool n came home,was really difficult,getting used to being a part of the family again.conversations were always short,polite and very awkward.quarreled with my mom constantly.she was always criticising my frens,my life,decisions i make,the guys i go out with.i felt that she had no right whatsoever to do all these things to me.she never cared for 5 years,why start now?i kept mostly to myself in my room n spent more time with my frens.until now,even when im married,i still consider myself a stranger to my family.hardly see them..only on special occasions like birthdays..but i try harder now that i no longer live with them.they're still the only family i have right..ive been able to block out the bad times i had at skool..but im not ready yet to go back n be reminded of those awful times.even writing about this is painful..

Thursday, September 23, 2004

about sarcasm

we were having dinner one rainy nite when hubby asked me this.
"Yang,do u think i'm a sarcastic person?"
it so happened that his boss comented on his knack at sarcasm.
as a matter of fact,i answered,Yes,you are.
even me,the Queen of Mean;ive managed to mellow down and swallow my nasty remarks(most!) whenever he asks or says anything even remotely..err..senseless(?) eversince we got married last year.a sense of respect for my husband,maybe,but surely its because i know those nasty remarks hurt and cuts deep into your heart;especially when it came from the one you love most.pedihnya hati.
i mean,is sarcasm necessary when you've known eachother inside out,and trust eachother completely that all your thoughts and feelings can(or should) be shared and respected as its own?
if you dont agree with anything;just plainly say so.minus the sarcasm and tone.i deserve that much respect as a wife

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

new job

yep,i'm finally getting my ass out of this shithole place im workin at now for good.another 9 days and ill be rid of this fugly place.i'm amazed as for how i managed to tahan working here for 2 n a half years anyways.even my bosses and colleagues are amazed that i lasted this long.haha.the job itself is great,very interesting and is sooo what i want to do when i graduated 2 yrs ago.But sadly,the attitude of the ppl working here..macam sampah.its hard to get things done when u work with a bunch of ppl who do nothing,keras kepala,complacent and always looking for something to complain about.complain,complain,complain!semua nya salah;boss salah,management salah,government salah,dia sorang je betul.classic malay attitude lah.hard to admit but this is the reality i face every single day of my working life and its so destructive to my career that I had to find my way out.I accepted the position at first coz to me it'll be a great opportunity to be a part of a giant organization.loads to learn and experience.but i never once thought that the attitudes of certain ppl would be but a hindrance to me achieving my goals here.stress levels gone up to the red zone too.
so,im moving to a new company as of 1st Oct.smaller company,no doubt,but definitely looking forward to the change of environment.fresh start,fresh faces,more challenges.was kinda hard making my decision to leave coz i really love what i do here.thanks to dear hubby for supporting my decision;even helping me draft my resignation letter.most importantly,for backing me up when my parents and siblings kutuk me for leaving such an established organization for a smaller fry..
ok,gotta go now.later.

First Post

aaahh..finally,a lil spot of my own.my thoughts.my feelings.my opinions.
but what shud i write about?
my life?my marriage?my job?
my life is boring..my marriage's great n my job sucks.that about sums it all i guess.
what else??
ok..ill take it easy lah for dis first post..nothing heavy..baby steps,they say.
will write more later lah..so blurred out now that i finally have my own blogspot.tah hape hape la..