A little update

Mummy arrived from Mekah on Tuesday and I'm so happy that her haj trip went well. She's still having that awful dry cough though, I hope that one goes off soon too. She really missed her cucus and was a little upset that Mia didn't quite recognize her and started to cry when she carried her. But I guess it's just takes a little time for Mia to familiarize herself to Tokmi again. Imran on the other hand, didn't seem to notice the fact that Tokmi's been gone for over a month, macam biasa je dia dengan Tokmi. He adores his Tokmi who in turn spoils him to bits. Of course Mummy had her own haj stories and adventures to tell and we were all just glued to every bit of detail and I was quite secretly admiring her for toughing up and braving the 3million plus crowd of mostly huge and rough Arabs. She hopes to bring Ayah with her next, InsyaAllah.

It is Christmas eve and office is on halfday today. I think it was a mistake for the company sec to announce the halfday coz I heard the CEO giving her an earful for not getting his consent to declare the falfday, albeit being company tradition to close early on Christmas and New Years's eve :D

So this long weekend's gonna be another round of pottytraining for Imran. He's doing well so far, with no accidents after the first two days. We're still taking him to the toilet every half hourly. Hopefully soon we can extend the time to every hourly. No progress yet on No.2 though :P

I plan to introduce more new foods to Mia too. Maybe rice and chicken with a little veggie. My mum said she gave her a taste of Imran's porridge and she seems to love it! That girl's so gonna outgrow her big brother. This is a recent pic of her:

We'll be taking the children to the Bird Park this weekend, with a couple of friends. Pack some snacks and have a little picnic at the park. Imran loves the outdoors and it's quite a shame that he's been couped up at home most of the school holidays. Hope the weather is good though.

I end this post with some photos taken during our little camwhore-ing session around the Christmas decorations at Gardens. Merry Christmas to those celebrating and God bless.

On cloth diapers and potty training

I've switched Mia's daytime diapers to cloth diapers, bought from one of my closest girlfriends. The brand is Gifts From Heaven and they are truly heaven sent! They are so easy to use, easy to clean and best of all, the fabric is so gentle to her skin, no sign of diaper rash at all. Looks like I can ditch the Drapolene next! Another plus! Here's the girl, rockin' her diapers:

I have to admit that the initial cost is quite high, RM260 for a set of 6, with 12 inserts. But after a few months, I can really appreciate the savings from buying disposables. My only regret is for not starting earlier! And it's also great that the room is now spacious with two less giant disposable diaper packs and the kids' bathroom don't stink of the disposables anymore :P (except when Imran does his business, that is).

Oh yeah, on the boy. We are planning to start the (eek!) toilet training this upcoming long weekend. I've bought a few pairs of kid underwear for starters. If all goes well, I'll take him shopping for some fancy Ben 10 ones later :) I hope he will be pottytrained by the time school starts in January, so it won't be too hard when the teachers take over at school.

Wednesday my in laws will be returning home, and as much as I am GLAD to finally be able to be by myself again, I'm kinda sad thinking of how they will miss the children. I could really see how they have bonded with the two kids and I'm sure they will miss being spoilt by their Tok and Tah too. I'm also worried bout leaving my Dad to be in charge of my charges until Mummy comes back sometime next week. He's not too strong himself and I hope my maid is able to help him sort out de house a bit in time for Mummy's return.

Ok, it's already past 10, I really should start working :). Till later.

Never enough

Am feeling really lousy despite the coming weekend. In fact, i'm sorta dreading going home later, following the events of last nite and this morning. Iskandar told me this morning bout the argument he had with MIL this morning over a stupid thing - how I failed to prepare a proper dinner for the family last nite. I guess he finally came round over how childish and rude he was over the incomplete dinner and was trying to defend himself and me when MIL remarked that she wouldn't serve such lousy dinner to Papa and her sons.

I accept that perhaps I did blew dinner, but I do believe that she wouldn't say all those things if he didn't make a big fuss of it in front of her in the first place, knowing FOR A FACT how sensitive MIL is when it comes to my shortcomings in caring for her son and grandchildren. I am trying damn hard to come home in time every effing day, through the stupid crazy jams of KL, with a rushed stop at the supermarket to buy things to cook for dinner, and then race home in time to give Mia her last feed, put her down by 7pm and start dinner.

Yesterday was even worse coz I had to drive to Melaka early morning on assignment and was super exhausted after the long drive and longer day on site. Especially hard as I had to tend to Mia when she woke up for a feed at about 3am (Alredi asked a favour from him to handle the night feed since i have to be up really early, but of course he didn't wake up, what was I thinking??). Imagine how insulted and humiliated I felt when he keeps pointing the fact that I blew dinner, right in front of his parents. Now they don't even want to eat at home anymore coz it seems like its too troublesome for me read: I can't cope being a working mum and preparing a complete dinner for the whole family (plus two maids).

I wish he was sensitive to my feelings and respectful enough to not humiliate me like that, but what can I say, things have been said and done. I tried to be thick skinned and just take it calmly last nite but when I found out what MIL thought about it, I just can't hold it in anymore and the tears started to flow. Maybe I'm not a good enough wife and mother, what more daughter in-law. I'm not trying to be perfect, but I'm trying so effing hard to keep everybody happy. Why can't he do the same for me?????

Wish my mum could come back sooner. There's just too many ppl in the house I can't breathe.

Concert time!

Imran's school concert was held on Saturday and we had so much fun watching him! So surreal to see him in his element, singing and dancing for the first time to whole songs and with dance steps! I have to admit that I was half expecting him to screw the whole thing and just go off to do his own dance routine but surprisingly, he followed the routine with the other kids pretty darn good! He was involved in a minor tug-o-war between two girls at one point, so cute to watch them both trying to kiss and hug him :D For his first real concert, and being only 3 years old at that, I'm so SO proud of how he behaved himself and put on a really awesome show!

Anyway, here are some photos to share :)

Doing the Indian dance

The Ketchup Song

Imran n his girl Amelina singing We Are The World

Well done Imran!!

And Reconnect We Did

I've been feeling so demotivated at work and frustrated with career plans that didn't exactly go through that by Thursday I was all set for a major meltdown. It started at breakfast which was meant to be my kickoff point towards a great career, but somehow in a way I could not comprehend went the other direction and I found myself back in the dumps. Had lunch with Iskandar that day after the disastrous revelation and instead of feeling comforted, I got shot down yet another time. I knew that I had to do something about this before I lose my mind and that same afternoon, after confronting the person who sort of was responsible for stalling my plan, I managed to gain perspective of things again. Even if things don't really work out for me I've decided to not dwell on it and move on. I shouldn't keep my hopes up about this anymore. I've set my price and I'll stick with it. Take it or leave it. No more false hopes.

I know Iskandar felt bad for not being able to give me the solution I was hoping for but it was never his problem in the first place. It was all me, and I felt so guilty for putting him in such a predicament. We talked it over later but I've already decided that I'm not gonna let this "issue" bring me down, and worse, affect my personal life. With that, the barriers between us were gone, as I reached out to him for his support which he gave with his whole heart.

Spent the whole of Sunday baking brownies, my other love. My favourite part was licking the bowl afterwards with Imran, both of us covered in yummy chocolate ;-) Perfect! Guess the lesson for me is to take each day as it comes and not to put all your eggs in one basket! :D

Need to reconnect

I have to admit that I have been so caught up with things at home and work that I neglect the most important things and person in my life. It is hard to be a Mummy (albeit being my no.1 most favourite job in the world) and maintain a professional life at the same time, that's a given. These days I've been taking over Mia's night feeds from Iskandar, which is fine by me as I really enjoy the quite times with her. But it's tough to wake up again at 6am, drag myself to work, rush home at 7pm, fetch the kids and prepare Mia for bed (she goes to bed between 7-730pm) that by the time I'm done with the routine, I'll be so dead beat to have a decent meal and conversation with Iskandar. I'll switch straight to "standby mode" on the couch in front of the TV, sometimes I'll remember to go up to bed but there are nights that I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself still on the couch!

Needless to say (but i'm gonna say it anyway), that my marriage is not doing so great right now. Things sorta became bad almost immediately after our anniversary, we hardly talk about things other than "hey, don't forget to change Mia's diapers" or "hey, we're running out of milk for Imran / Mia, can u get some?" or "hey, I'm gonna have dinner first and go to sleep right after" I think at one point we actually stopped talking to eachother totally and I sorta felt OK with that, wtf, coz some of the conversations can easily turn into arguments which I'm too tired to bother to handle. We've also stopped having our lunch dates.

I'm yawning away as I'm typing this, gosh I really need to do something bout my energy level. He texted me earlier, asking whether I'm free to lunch. Of course I am, always, for him. I just hope I can pull myself together and get over all this stupid exhaustion so that he won't think that I've lost interest in our marriage!

The 6 year mark

We had a rather low-key 6 year wedding anniversary yesterday, low key coz both of us are like dead broke hahaha! Amidst the dead broke situation, we still managed to squeeze out a few ringgits to buy each other his-and-hers perfumes - the new D&G 1 Le Bateleur for him and D&G 3 L'Imperatrice for me. And to our surprise, we got eachother the same cards! now if that's not what you call soulmates, I don't know what is! :)

Truthfully, this year I've got all the things I could only dream of before, for which I am truly, truly grateful to God for giving me this wonderful person as my life partner. Two beautiful children, a perfect home and surrounded by love 24-7, what more can I ask for?

The sacrifices he made for me are something I can never reciprocate, no matter how hard I try.

For our 6th wedding anniversary, there is nothing more that I could possibly want for us other than to stay as strongly committed to eachother, to be eachother's best friend, lover, confidante, partner-in-crime.

I love you Iskandar Putra, thank you for 6 wonderful years, here's to growing old together.

Money money money!

Yesterday was Mia's 4 month checkup and it's great to hear that her development's a little above average. But her paed was concerned bout the eczema just developing on her elbows, an indication of allergy. Given both our families' history with allergies, he advised us to switch to a hypoallergenic type of infant formula instead of the S26 as it's believed that she may be developing an allergy to milk protein. To start her off, we were given a tin of Mamex Gold Hypoallergenic, and I was shocked to find out later that a small 400g tin costs RM32!! and that's not even half a week's supply!! I then decided to table our budget for baby supplies to see if we can actually AFFORD to switch milks, regardless of what the paed thinks! :P

MIA
Mamex: RM32 x 8 = RM256
Mamy Poko: RM32
Drypers: RM25
Injections: RM300
Toilettries etc: RM20
TOTAL: RM633

IMRAN
Dugro: RM23 x 4 = RM92
Mamy Poko: RM45
Drypers: RM25
Toilettries etc: RM20
School Fees: RM200
TOTAL: RM751

Total both kids: RM1,384!!!

Blardy hell! we've never really compromised when it comes to the kids' necessities but now that i've actually wrote them down, its unbelievable the amount of money we spend on these stuff!! And we've only got 2, i wonder how other parents are coping with 3-4 kids, or more!

So i got iskandar to search for alternative milks to give Mia, (read:cheaper) and found out about soy milk. it's supposed to be good for babies who has milk protein allergies, lactose intolerant and other special needs babies. Price is slightly higher than S26 but definitely cheaper than the Mamex Gold. haven't actually tried it on her yet coz there's still some Mamex supply left for at least 2 days more. i hope she takes the new milk well as right now she doesn't seem to enjoy the Mamex milk much. She's only taken 8oz from 7am to 3pm when she's supposed to be taking 12oz by now.

Both babies are napping right now which means it's time to finally sit down and sort out my income tax problem. the whole point of me taking this long leave is to work my taxes and it's already Day 2 and the tax forms are still untouched! :P

Just another Raya post

Raya this year was moderately celebrated this year, at least for us. Had a lovely day in with the family, his and mine, just catching up and having a good time amidst the endless supply of lemang, rendang, ketupat and all sorts of kuih "tunjuk" :) Was a little bit upset on Raya morning coz we were too late to celebrate Raya with my parents and siblings, a family tradition for my side of the family. But I guess this is one of the sacrifices you make when you're married and I soon started to enjoy beraya with my in laws when they finally woke up at 3pm!! :) Imran had the best time I think, playing with the cousins. And Mia was just soaking up all the attention and enjoying the non stop cuddles and kisses from cousins, aunties, grandparents etc.

We went back to Alor Gajah later in the week to ziarah the graves of my late Daddy, Nenek, Mak Ngah, Pak Ngah, Atuk and Abang Lokman. Sitting on the tiled perimeters of Daddy's grave, I missed him even more. One day when the kids are big enough, I will tell them the story of their late Tok Daddy.

It's back to work now and the weather's been pretty gloomy these past few days, usual kinda weather expected during the October - December months. Makes it even harder to wake up in the morning and especially hard to leave my two babies at home :(

But today's a new day. In laws are leaving for Brunei and UK and we'll finally get to put some order into our lives and home. No doubt having the inlaws around are great but there are times when I wished it was just the four of us at home :P

I end this post with our family pic, taken on the first day of Raya.

Some updates

Mia's reaching 3 months pretty soon. It's unbelievable how fast time flies, which really surprises me this time considering it is the fasting month when things are expected to be sllooooowwweerrr than usual. Anyway, this also means that I've almost successfully breastfed Mia for her first 3 months, something that I'm personally quite proud about as it has not been so easy for me. Mia's not really good at direct breastfeeding, she gets easily distracted and pulls away at the earliest sign of milk letdown which is soooo frustrating..all that good stuff wasted away! :( So I've no choice but to pump and feed her with the bottle. Now that I've started work, I have to sneak in a few pumping sessions at where else but in my car! I guess this old building's got a few good things about it such as the extremely private carparks :)

Truthfully, the fasting month has been pretty tough on the milk supply, as I do not have the liberty to drink and eat properly as to observe the fasting period. Not that I'm fasting anyway since I'm breastfeeding, but yea, just to show respect to others who are. I can't wait for Ramadhan to be over, hopefully the supply will return to normal once my mealtimes are more balanced and regulated. I've recently continued taking the Fenugreek pills, but so far I haven't seen any improvement... Too soon to tell maybe. Of course I plan to breastfeed Mia as long as I can, at least longer than Imran which was 4 months before I finally threw in the towel. Fingers crossed!

Raya is coming real soon, like in 3 days time and this year is gonna be pretty much like last year. Except for the new addition to the family! I'm so excited to get her all dressed up in the cute little dress I got from Pumpkin Patch!

In laws are arriving tomorrow and I'm glad that everything's prepared for their stay. Except the computer room which we have temporarily converted to a bedroom for my bro inlaw. Just need to carry the sofabed up two flights of stairs from the basement! No big deal lah, hahaha (pengsan)!

Desperately seeking caffeine

It's back to the daily grind for me..yup, finally have to brace reality and stuff my feet into those black dusty pumps I've abandoned for quite a while. So far it's been really, REALLY slow for me at the office..seems like things haven't changed much since I went on my long leave.

A chance telephone conversation with a client may give me the absolute ultimate opportunity to get out of this soon-to-go-belly-up company. I'm crossing my fingers and praying hard that everything falls through and they are willing to accept me with my credentials. Haven't heard from them for almost a week now and I'm getting really2 nervous. I know that my chance are not that strong as he told me that the company usually tries to fill in the position internally but he'll put in a few good words for me. Aghh...the agony of waiting.

It's gonna be a sad week for me too. My boss is leaving in 2 days' time and I don't know how I'm gonna cope without him. He is by far the best boss I've ever had and I feel that there's still a lot I need to learn from him. We made a great team and it's really sad that he had to leave in the present circumstances, and when I need him most. But I wish him well, and hope that life treats him better on the other side of the fence. I did tell him to keep a lookout for me too if anything good comes up. Can't keep all your eggs in one basket, they say :P

I am meeting the MD of the prospect new company later this morning for another chat. I have to be honest and tell him about the other possible opportunity and that I need more time to contemplate. I just hope that it doesn't put me in a bad light as we have been in talks for almost a month plus now and I still haven't given my decision.

The end is near..

It's the last few days of my maternity leave and i'm so dreading to go back to work on Monday. Furthermore, fasting month starts tomorrow which i'm guessing will make it even worse as i won't be able to have my usual morning coffee..sigh. what a way to start work after the long break. But mostly, i'm so not ready to leave my two precious babies yet! Since i've started Mia on a regular routine, things have been so much better for my housemates. Mia's been a good night sleeper, which means we've been getting the much needed rest at nite too, yeay! thing is, now she's more wakeful during the daytime with several catnaps between 8am till about 5pm when she gets really tired and ready for bedtime, which is not until 7pm! so it's quite a challenge to keep her awake AFTER 5pm, to give her a bath and last feed before 7pm. hmmm.. i reckon this will be quite a challenge for my Mum who'll be in charge of my charges when i go back to work on Monday. kesian her, dahle our new maid's like not quite learning the ropes as fast as we wish she would. Never mind Imran, she can't even manage the house work well yet. but i persevere, in the hope that one day Imran will accept her and allow her to do basic things like change and feed him. Otherwise, i can't bear to torture my Mum like that and will consider taking another sabbatical or perhaps resign.

Yup, i think i've sort of made my mind up about resigning. thing is, i'm not really sure where i wanna go or what i wanna do yet. Half of me wants to take up the challenge at the new company but the other half yearns to spend more time with my kids at home and bring them both up properly. Every working mum's dilemma i guess. i can't wait till Iskandar's promoted next year hopefully. If the salary increase is sufficient, i really don't mind cutting back on my expenses, downgrading the car, even letting go of the maid, just so I can be a full time Mom. With Mia so young and vulnerable, and Imran so active and curious, it would be a shame to miss all the wonderful discoveries they make and milestones they achieve. Those things money can't buy.

That's it for now. Mia's sound asleep, didn't finish her 7pm feed, as expected, she passed out halfway again. It's Mummy-Imran time now, i.e. dinner with Tigger & Pooh, Animal Mechanicals or whatever else is on Playhouse Disney!

Mia Aleena Putri - born 22nd June 2009

Here's a few snapshots of my precious princess..

Coping

It's been a month plus since the birth and I'm getting used to functioning with 3hrs of sleep (or less). Mia's sleep pattern is still reversed, i.e. she sleeps all day and stays up all nite. My efforts to keep her awake during the day time so that she sleeps at nite has so far been futile. Last weekend had friends over to visit, sisters actually. One of them also has a 3 yr old and an 8 month old. Listening to her story on how she got thru the sleepless nites which seemed endless and frustrations of trying to maintain her sanity between caring for her toddler son and baby girl at the same time sort of made me feel a bit better. She recommends a book on training babies to sleep through the nite, something i would definitely try on Mia once she's ready for it. It worked on both her children, but the thing is she said I need to prepare myself, i.e. be strong for the crying nites for at least a week before the baby learns to sleep through the nite. For now I can say that I'm truly prepared for anything just to get a good nite's sleep!

It's a little less than 3 weeks till i go back to work, something i look forward as well as loathe at the same time. My boss has recommended me to the MD of this company who is looking for an Engineering Unit Head. We had a meeting to discuss the job, salary and stuff and so far he's quite agreeable to my terms. Now the ball's in my court. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to take on such a huge responsibility. Being in the industry for just 5 years, I think there's still a lot more i need to learn and people I need to impress. But my boss told me that he's confident that I can do this, and I know for a fact that he doesn't trust or give his recommendations so easily and for that I'm quite proud of myself and honored too. We've scheduled a lunch together, my boss, the MD and myself. I hope I can give them the answer they and I are looking for.

Mia's still having her nap and Imran is with my Mom, perfect time for me sneak in a quick nap too before the little lady wakes up for her feed. Till then, ....zzzZZZzzzzz..

Announcing the new arrival!

Hello blog!It's been bout a month since my last post, ey. and what a month it has been! on june 22nd, at 8:33pm, our babygirl, Mia Aleena Putri was born..a healthy, bouncy 3.41kg tot! she was kept at de hospital for a week tho due to high jaundice but now i can safely say she's out of the woods. Mia's been such a joy to look after. She doesn't cry much, unless she's hungry or crapped herself. She sleeps and feeds well, waking up every 3hrs or so for her meals. Unlike Imran who was quite difficult to settle after feeds. They tell me that babygirls are easier to handle compared to boys and so far it's been quite true when I compare Imran with Mia.

As for me, I'm feeling a lot better after the birth. The wounds healed up pretty fast this time, I think, thanks to my guardian angel, Dr.Alex's ample supply of painkillers! :) As per last time, I'm not into all these pantangs, just obvious things such as avoiding spicy foods as I'm breastfeeding Mia. My goal this time is to breastfeed her until she's at least 6 months old so wish me luck! I have about 5kgs of post baby weight to lose and I'm not really sure if I can get back in shape by de time my leave is over! Mum's been cooking all these yummy foods that it's a challenge to not have an extra serving! Oh another news is that my trusty maid will be leaving us for good today. So I'm guessing that'll help with my losing weight as Mum will surely has her hands full with housework and won't have time to cook, at least for a month until we get our new Cambodian maid...hmm.

All in all, I'm having a pretty good time at home this time round. With all the rubbish happening at work, it's great timing too to be off on a good long break, hopefully the dust had settled by the time I go back to work.

I'll post pictures of Mia up very soon. For now, time to catch a quick snooze before her next feed!

Last checkup!

At my 38wk checkup, I was given the option to induce the labour which I hurriedly accepted with a huge, silly grin! Just the thing I need as these later stages of pregnancy is becoming a real test of patience for me. The rash I had during my first trimester is back. Ooh how it itches.. esp. at nite. And don't even let me get started on the backpain...unbearable! I've been keeping Iskandar up late massaging my back as it's the only way to soothe me to sleep. Some nites I have to sleep sitting up straight which is just "tidur2 ayam" as I keep jolting up soon as I doze off.

So the date's been set, on 22nd June I'll have the labour induction, at about 7am, if all goes well, Dr Alex will break the water bag round 9am and I can have the epidural after that. Then all I hv to do is sit back and wait as labour progresses. Hopefully everythg goes well and I won't be in labour for too long. Must remember to bring some chick lits or trashy mags to keep me company :)

Iskandar told me to think about what I wanna do, things to eat, places to go during my last weekend b4 the big event. So many things to do, so little time! I think I'm just gonna spend all the time with Imran as I think this could be the last few days I can give him my undivided attention. At least for another 6 months or a year. I hope he understands, sigh..

Thirty today

As it is my big 3-0 day today, it's only apt to post something bout it, right? ;-P Woke up and found a bouquet of roses greeting me, the perfect pick-me-up after last nite's long and tiring day! With it is a birthday card from Iskandar and Imran (complete with Imran's drawings of KLCC and KL Tower!). Kisses from the boys and went downstairs to find another surprise, birthday gift from MIL and PIL! Alamak, so embarassing lah, must be Iskandar yg kepoh2 to them bout me turning 30 today :P

Some of the boys at work somehow found out it's my bday today n started to kepoh oso, which was kinda nice considering how little fun we've had at the office eversince the "announcement".

I'm not sure what Iskandar's planning for the rest of the day as he said the flowers are just Part 1 of the day...hmmm..

Anyway, as for me, there's nothing I want more on my birthday than to share it with my two best men..and the little lady in me too, care to join me babygirl? :)


edited - 12/6/2009

Part II of my birthday surprise came in the form of, a super cute, lilac Anya Hindmarch tote! Love it to bits!! oh, and love u too babe!

Oh come out already

I think i've passed the anxiety of giving birth and now just hoping that labour would start sooner than later! The backpains and sciatica are getting just too unbearable. With me still working full time just makes it worse I guess. It's like clockwork, the pain starts to creep from 9pm and gets worse by the minute. Can't even manage a step without cringing or howling in pain. Bedtimes are the worst now. Lying down flat or on any side is painful so some nights I end up falling asleep while sitting up straight. They say that once the backpain stops, labour would soon start but judging from how I'm feeling these days I don't think its happening anytime soon :(

Papa's surgery went well, according to Iskandar. They are still in Korea for the post op recovery and should be home on Saturday as scheduled. Hopefully the surgery's cured the numbness of his hand. We are all optimistic that one day he'll be free of the pain altogether.

Last nite Iskandar took us out to KLCC to cheer me up. And cheered up I did, as I discovered that my fave shop, Accesorize has finally made it to KL! I almost died of happiness upon stepping into the shop :D Scored a lovely satin cream purse to wear for Jaja's engagement on Saturday...and a few more gorgeous stuff hehe.

Dinner was at California Pizza Kitchen, my favourite restaurant. yums.

The minute we arrived home, the dreaded backpain started! Argh! but I didn't suffer too long as I fell asleep soonafter brushing my teeth and making Imran's last bottle of milk. Thanks to the soothing backrub from Iskandar!

The dilemma

Our office has recently been taken over by another VC, who coincidentally owns one of our competitors. Needless to say, it has upped our profile as the No.1 agency in Malaysia, possibly the world too. The competitor company, in Malaysia at least, is, unfortunately well known for its cut-throat policies, resulting in much dispopularity within the industry, peers and clients alike. Our company, on the other hand, did tremendously well in previous years, quite popular in the industry and one of the bigger players in town. Safe to say that the new owners are lucky that they are acquiring a profitable company, not a losing one.

Which is to our huge disappointment that the owner has appointed the CEO of the loser company to head the new, merged companies. Only reason for this, I hear is because our own CEO had passed away earlier this year and there is no one else befitting our CEO's chair since. With this new incoming, big changes are being implemented, particularly upsetting us is in the amendments of employee benefits and new bonus (bogus) scheme.

Together, a group of us shortchanged staff are putting together a memo to the new management, protesting the changes. It is hard not to get emotional as this is our livelihood that's on the line. We have all been working our assess off for the company, generating decent bonuses in the course and enjoying the wonderful working environment that's been the envy of our competitors. With the new cutbacks on benefits and impossible bonus scheme, all we have left is our monthly salary, which is peanuts, to get through the day to day. Previously, we are ok with the low salary coz we know that we would be rewarded with good bonuses provided we reach the fee target set by the company. And a handsome extra if we exceed the targets. That is why I love this company and stayed for the past 5 yrs, regardless of the low salary. I work hard every year for that big fat bonus cheque.

I have to approach this issue carefully as I'll be going off on maternity leave soon and I don't want this to have any repercussions upon my return. But on the other hand, I have to support my colleagues in this fight without appearing too unreasonable and rebellious. What a pickle!

Imran at school

We've been sending Imran to his play school for almost a week now and boy, don't he just love it! Of course during the first day he was clingy towards me and shy to mix around with the other kids. He didn't even touch the Koko Krunch snack the school served, his favourite! But by the second day, I could see that he's started to join in the group circle, singing songs, playing at the playground and doing arts and craft with the teacher. I'm so glad that the kids all seem to adore him too, always inviting him to join the playgroup and helping him with his snack bowl and drink. The kids are the sweetest things, I tell ya! I have half a mind of quitting my current job and joining the school to be with the kids...hmm.. maybe someday..

The trial period ends tomorrow after which we'll be enrolling him into the school's Montessori program proper. I hope the new school uniforms will encourage him to go even more. As it is, the kids are always asking me; Aunty, where's Imran's uniform? Need to get a small schoolbag for Imran's things, water bottles and more socks too!

I'm so happy to see Imran enjoying his time at school. He's making friends easily and I truly believe I made the right choice with this school. But I can't help feeling a wee bit emotional too, seeing how fast he's growing!

Playschool

Went to the doctor's for my monthly checkup Mon afternoon. According to the doc's calculated EDD, i'm at 31 wks but the measurements of the baby showed that i'm at 33wks! yikes! does this mean that the baby's coming early, again? Unfortunately, said Dr.Alex, they still don't have the knowledge or technology to accurately determine, unless actual labour starts. And I felt even more n more nervous after that.

My checkups are now twice monthly as I've entered the final stages of pregnancy. This week i'll be retrieving back all my stuff loaned to friends and family when they had their babies - car seat, BF cushion, donut cushion, mobile etc. I hope they took care of the stuff :P contemplating of taking back the oh-so precious baby swaddle i loaned to hubby's cousin..should i? i know i can afford buying a new one, but the one i found to keep for our "future offspring" but ended up loaning to her for some stupid reason was SO special, not mentioning quite pricey too!

This afternoon we went to checkout another playschool for Imran, one closer to my Mum's. It was a very pleasant and kinda exclusive school, with only 2 kids of Imran's agegroup and about 10 other bigger kids. Listening to the Principal explain the activities, her experiences with newbies (kids and parents) gave us quite the assurance we needed. Told her bout Imran's habits and temperaments and how we deal with it which she was happy to oblige. She also expressed her relief that we have been instilling discipline in him at this age as some parents had even instruct her not to make their kids follow the school's routine program if they don't want to which makes it quite tricky for the teachers. Being experienced in Montessori early learning for 16 years, my gut feel says that she's the right person to handle our Imran. Thinking of sending him on a trial basis for a week first before we decide to sign him up for a whole year. I love that the school allows this trial basis as other schools never gave us this option. Another plus is that they will toilet train him too when he's settled and ready, yay! :)

Now comes the hard part, that is to tell my Mum that she needs to part with her favourite cucu for 3 hours a day.. :P

Almost at the finish line..

..and I can't wait!The extra weight on me is making it even more and more difficult to move around. Sleeps at nights are also tough, I feel short of breath and the backpain is a real bitch.
We had a 3-day weekend which was just what I needed, except for the fact that Imran was down with fever and flu for 2 out of the 3 days! But I had a lovely time taking care of him, sick and all. Just sitting there cuddling and soothing him while he sniffles and whines away was therapeutic for me as much as it was for him, I hope. In times like this, I know he needs as much TLC as he does meds, which was what I provided whole-heartedly. The boy got better on Sunday and was back to his usual naughty and mischievous self! I sorta secretly hope the fever extended through Sunday as I was enjoying the quiet and pensive Imran too much! :P

We completed doing up the kids' bedroom yesterday. Hubby layered the second coat of paint all by himself this time and did a pretty good job! Finished off the day by pasting the glow-in-the-dark stars to the ceiling. It turned out real nice and Imran loved it too. I placed an order for an all-white wardrobe and aircon for the room which shud arrive these few days. After that, we shud be done with all the big spending. Until the big day arrives, that is.

Last nite before bed I managed to catch the documentary, "In The Womb" on NatGeo. What a wonderful "inside story" on what goes on in there. It also says that the baby gets more sensitive to the mother's voices after 32 weeks and can sense the difference in tones when she's stressed out, happy, angry etc. So I'll try my best to maintain a happy self from now on :P ...how can I not be? My Coach bag booking came through and will arrive next week! Happy!

An untitled post

Bonus came in yesterday and already I've spent almost half of it on loan repayments, bills and such. Put aside some money in Imran's savings too, something I haven't been doing in a long, long time. Still have quite a bit more spending to be done this weekend - new aircond for the kids' room, a new stroller, wardrobe for kids and last but not least, to pay the deposit for labour and delivery at Gleneagles. Once all that's done (and with a few hundred RMs to spare hopefully), only am I gonna spend on myself. I'm thinking a luxurious a hair treatment and touch-up of my rebonded hair :) Hubby needs new lenses for his glasses so I'm gonna treat him to that too. A new handbag? Crossing my fingers on that one! I've put a booking on a Coach Legacy stripey tote that I've been eyeing since '06 but never had enough $$$$ for it. If the bag is available and the price is right, perhaps I can sacrifice my hair treatment for it!

Had a bit of an argument with Hubby yesterday on some small money matters. He didn't speak to me at all last night and I know he's still angry with me this morning. For the first time this morning I didn't give him a kiss before going to work. I'm still scared.. and what if he just brushes me off? I'll just die. I guess I'll just have to wait for him to come around and get over it. It's not that big a deal to me, really but he's treating me as though I've cheated on him which I have not and will not, ever.

Can't wait for the day to be over. I have no mood to work and just feel like rolling around the bed with my Imran.

30 weeks

Last night had a lovely time with Iskandar and Imran, strolling around Pavillion. I hv been scouting for a new handbag to replace my old tattered one for the past week and finally found a cute and decently priced bag at Eclipse. I was actually eyeing the one at Nine West but Iskandar protested as it looked almost exactly like my old one, hahaha, typical boring me.

Anyways, had dinner followed by J-Co donuts at Imran's insistence. Back home, I started to feel like I was gonna explode! And I didnt even eat that much, didn't finish dinner and only ate about 1 and half donuts. My lower back suffered the most, aching all night long and throughout today. Told Iskandar that I think we hv to complete preparing for new baby by end of de month as at 30 weeks, its almost suicidal to walk here and there with a backache like this. We still have to look for a wardrobe for the room which I hope we can settle by next week. Also for typical baby toilettries, diapers and such, which shouldn't be a big problem with Giant being just a minute away. Still, no excuse to do evrything last minute so I'm gonna get that done too.

Was looking at my reflection this morning before going to work and was surprised at how big I am now. Gosh, I really feel this baby is gonna come sooner than the EDD coz I don't think I can expand anymore or risk exploding! Feel quite scared too coz I'm so not ready with tonnes of things yet to be settled. Funny that my colleagues think I'm quite 'small' considering being at 30weeks. Yea saying it is one thing, actually experiencing it is totally another! So far I don't see any stretch marks appearing yet and I hope my skin will maintain this way.

Iskandar's skipping his company trip that's happening from Thursday to spend time with us instead. What a sweet gesture. I know he derserves some time out too, seeing how hard he works his ass for LB. But I'm kinda thankful he's not going, haven't seen much of him this past few weeks, and weekends are always a mad rush between shopping, errands, family dinners and Imrans.

So for the first time in a loooOOOOooong time, we are going out on a dinner date this Friday, some place fancy around this Changkat area, just the two of us. He will be spending the whole day with Imran and night with Mummy so Imran really shouldn't complain! :)

Here's to the weekend! (come already!)

Wet Wednesday

What a gloomy day today is, wish I was home curled up under the covers with Imran..I feel so tired and groggy waking up this morning and I blame it all on the foul tasting mee hailam I had at the Bangi Kopitiam, newly opened at Melawati. I sorta blame myself a bit too, I've been warned many times not to eat ANYTHING on the menu as they are all basically horrible tasting crap. But I was optimistic, and also damn hungry as I haven't had my dinner yet. Wasted a whole hour feeding Imran, had no time to eat a proper dinner as I was running late to meet up with my family at the cursed kopitiam.

Anyway, later that night after midnight I started to have this bad tummy cramps. Took me about 4-5 times to clear my system a.k.a. kareb it all out! It was horrible. I think the baby felt the "effects" too. She wouldn't stop kicking and poking and jumping the whole night! I couldn't sleep a wink. Dozed off a bit but awoken again by the thunderstorms and Imran climbing me for a cuddle. When my alarm actually went off at 6:40am, I felt like crying!

I don't think I can function properly like this. Made a strong cuppa coffee but am still as drowsy as ever. Am waiting for boss to go out before I quietly escape the office to catch some zzZZZzzzss. Oh yes, first I'm gonna send a nasty email to the owners of the Bangi Kopitiam for unleashing their terrible foods on me!

Almost there

With limited weekends to go by, each minute of Saturday and Sunday is so precious to us and needs to be planned carefully, with no compromising when it comes to our little boy. And what a productive weekend it had been! Successfully painted the kids' room and put up the shelves, just Iskandar and me, on all fours! I had terrible leg cramps and backache and Iskandar had blisters all over his palms after that but it was all worth it. The kids' room look a little more lively now and I'm so proud of ourselves :) I hope the kids will love it as much as I do. I'm thinking of sticking those glow in the dark stars on the ceiling to give it a sorta sleeping-under-the-stars feel hehe.

Next on the list it to look for a good wardrobe for the room and also for our computer room aka our second dressing room :P

I've also managed to sort out all Imran's baby clothes and separated the "unisex" ones to recycle! Thank god we bought a lot of good quality clothes for Imran which lasted longer compared to the cheaper Anakku stuff. I also bought a few pairs of pyjamas, tights, newborn rompers, mittens and booties just to complete her wardrobe.

My younger sis is coming home from Dublin today and this will be her first time meeting Imran. I hope Imran behaves himself and doesn't buat perangai so much. Last night we took him to GE Mall and ended up paying RM20 for nothing - he broke a toy car. It's actually the first time he broke anything from a shop but this really worries me. I know I should bring the maid with us to watch him but it's just too risky now without a permit. Can't wait to get this shit sorted out.

Ok, now back to work!

Taking out the trash

Looking at the baby counter today, I can't help but freak out a little. Ok, a lot. Time is flying so fast and I still have a lot to do before I can actually go have my baby delivered :P It's 7 months now and I have this paranoia that this one's gonna come early too. Made a quick dash to Ampang Point and stocked up on baby bottles, towels and wraps at the Mum's Care last day sale on Sunday. Wanted to buy the baby cot bumper set but ran out of cash. Only then I felt slightly at ease. But today the feeling of unreadiness has returned and my mind is now jumbled up with all these - baby stuff that I should / should not / maybe I should/ oh but it's too expensive / girly things vs. recycle? / they r on sale! / necessities first - crazy thoughts.

Early Sunday morning, we met up with few other disgruntled customers of the maid agent and decide to have a little "intervention". Apparently the agent's been telling us all sorts of stories and making excuses to delay our dues. For me and 2 others, it's our maid's work permit and for another girl, it's de little problem about her maid's passport being EXPIRED for 3 months. It got a little heaty at the agent's house as she was trying to explain herself but all we wanted was our money back and burn all bridges with her. Had enough of her excuses and from what we heard from her other customers, she's been quite crafty in convincing her customers to part with their RM5,600 only to get miserable services from her. My only consolation was that the maid we got was good with my son and hard working, unlike the other girls who were stuck with terrible ones. After a few hours of bombarding her, she finally relented to return RM2,700 to the 3 girls, but for me, I decided to meet up with her runner direct and deal with him straight. I've cut all ties with the agent and made sure she paid all the money to the runner. It's damn frustrating when you trust a fellow Malay with your hard earned money and only got lousy service and lies. Sorry to say but this is the last time I'll be helping my fellow Malay for sure. I've learnt my lesson the hard way.

Come to think of it, we've had quite a bit of bad service this year. From Telekom, maid agent, Samy the alarm system guy and Maxis damn bloody cheats. We've "sorted out" Telekom and the maid agent already, next to suffer our wrath is Samy and Maxis! Bewarned u blood sucking scums!

Things I don't want to forget

Yesterday as I was enjoying my Spicy Italian sub in the car, the song Viva La Vida came up on the radio. My heart straight away went home to my son, knowing how MUCH he LOVES the song. Hey, he loved it even before it was announced the Grammy Song of the Year so you gotta admit he has good taste :) My thoughts flew next to all the quirky and funny things about Imran and I decided to list them all down before I forget them totally.

1. The way he pronounces "butterfly" as "apertee"
2. The way he pronounces "computer" as "tompeeteeter"
3. The funny face he makes and growls when I scold him
4. His original rendition of the Birthday Song - "Aaabirday to yoouuuu...Aaabirday to yoooouuu...Aaabirday to Iiimaaan / Tokmiii...Aaaabirday to yoouuu...!"
5. The way he pronounces his name - Iman
6. His hugs which come everytime it's requested
7. When he asks me "Mummy, where going??" when I step out of the door.
8. That smile
9. His obsession with Coldplay's Viva La Vida, refers to it as Iman Chong (Song) or Iman Chong Mummy Car as the CD is permanently fixed in my car radio.
10. How he gets overly excited when he spots KLCC (Otiti) or KL Tower (Aaa-tower)

These are the things I can recall on top of my head as I'm typing this. Being in the terrible 2's, of course there are also those temper tantrum episodes now and then. But let's not make a list about that one :P

I swear there's more that I've forgotten, I'll add to them when I remember. How I wish that he won't grow up so fast. He'll always be my little tee~bum :)

In love with Cafe Cafe

I found this restaurant on the web, while browsing for places to bring Iskandar for his belated birthday dinner. His birthday's actually last week but since he was busy all day for the music fest we decided to postpone our little celebration to this week. Anyways, the online reviews were pretty good but none of my friends hv actually been there to give me their true accounts of it. What worried me most was the location, within the dodgy dingies of Jln Maharajalela. When we found a parking spot near de restaurant I was so nervous as there was this little creepy Chinese guy tapping on my window. He looked drunk and dazed. Iskandar quickly shoved some money into his hands and he disappeared just like that. I started to have this queasy feeling in my tummy telling me that this is a really bad idea.

But all that ended soon as we stepped into Cafe Cafe. Oh my gosh!!! The candle light and sparkling crystals hanging on the ceiling just took my breath away! Inside, diners were quietly enjoying each others' company in the romantic ambience, with slow French jazz music taking them through the meal. We were seated by the window which was draped in black velvet curtains. The floors were tiled in black and white - tres chic. It really felt like we were in 1920's Paris.

Needless to say, everything was perfect about the restaurant, service was superb, ambience SO romantic, the diners were unpretentious..best of all, food was excellent and not too painful on the wallet :) I finished off with the tiramisu which was just perfect, except de fact that I was too full from the lambshank main course to actually finish it! Even Imran behaved surprisingly well throughout dinner, thank God :)

I didn't take any pictures as the restaurant has a strict policy on cameras which is a good thing to maintain its' air of mystery. But I did feel slightly annoyed with a group of diners who were snapping photos now and then, which brought me back from 1920s Paris to 2009 Malaysia again, sigh..

All in all, it was the perfect night out, just me and my two best men. Je t'aime Cafe Cafe!

Sombre year so far

As far as my family (and esp. Mak Ngah's) is concerned, it has been a quite a sad 2009 for us thus far, losing three of our beloved family members within a month apart of each other. It is particularly tragic that Mak Ngah's eldest daughter, who passed away on Feb 14, happened to be a single parent, with 5 growing kids. Now they are left in the care of the eldest son, who had no choice but to grow up overnight, take over the household and be mama and papa to his brother and sisters. I pray that God gives him the strength to go through this tough time.

Mak Ngah's youngest son passed on mid January, in a car accident. He had been traveling to and fro KL-Segamat to take care of my cousin's hubby who's been in and out of coma for the past 5 months. His contributions and sacrifices to the family is hugely appreciated, it is our biggest regret not to get the chance to tell him so. His eldest son scored 10A1s in the recent SPM exams, Abg Lokman must be proud, looking down on him from heaven.

Latest to go was my cousin's beloved hubby, Abang Hashim. What's so frustrating was that the doctors still couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, until now, and told us to pray for a miracle that one day he will wake up and recover. But looking at his condition when we visited him few weeks ago, I somehow expected that he'd never pull out of this one. Arwah was such a cheerful, youthful looking guy that sometimes I feel that Kak Teh is so lucky to marry such a lovely man. The person I saw lying on the hospital looked already half-gone, chest sunken, hair all white, only skin and bones. Not the jovial Abang Hashim I always knew. I can never imagine anyone would have such horrible feelings towards him, up to the extent as to put him through so much physical pain like this. At least that was the only thing that makes sense to us all, given the discovery of "voodoo"-like things around the compound of the house. Yes, we have resorted to numerous bomohs and ustads to help cure him but none actually could. I know those responsible (if it's true) would receive their dues from Allah one day and all we can do is redha for all that has happened.

All I can say is, I hope with the passing of Arwah Abg Hashim there would be no more tragedies in our families. I don't know if my mum can take losing another family member like this anymore. It has clearly taken a toll on her, esp as she had sorta taken responsibility to care for Mak Ngah's children after her passing last year.

Mummy's birthday is coming this weekend, we haven't planned anything yet coz she insisted that we wait for my younger sis to come home from Dublin. But I'm thinking of a surprise little family celebration for her on that day itself, especially after all the tough days she had to go through.

Till then.

Spanish dreams

Last weekend was a bit low key for us. Iskandar was feeling under the weather so we spent the rainy days watching DVDs. Watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona on Sunday which I thoroughly enjoyed! Not so much the storyline, typical lame Woody Allen stuff to me, but I just adored how they filmed Barcelona's beautiful architecture, art, scenery and the Spanish guitar nights. Breathtaking. The scenes at Oviedo were equally charming. I find myself daydreaming of visiting Barcelona someday and of the romantic balmy nights listening to Spanish guitar at one of the many garden gazebos, glass of sangria in hand :). Lovely.

Back to reality, I find myself panicking at work, realizing the tons of work I need to finish before I go off on my maternity leave. yikeS! I don't want to repeat my previous mistakes of not finishing up in time and ending up briefing my boss over the phone, from the hospital bed, on the status of each and every file on my long WIP list :P Very troublesome, and I hated the inconvenience it must have brought my boss and colleagues due to that. But then again, last time wasn't entirely my fault as the baby decided to come a month early!

I'm entering 7 months soon and with each passing moment I'm so excited to meet this new person growing inside me. The kicks and punches are getting more and more stronger and frequent, you can actually see it if you sit/stand close enough. I haven't bought much stuff for the baby. Thank god I saved most of Imran's old rompers, pyjamas and blankets. They were still in pretty good as new condition, just need a good washover.

Ok, I better get back to work, till later!

Sawadeekap!

Just got back from our shopping trip to Bangkok. It was fun as expected, especially as I get to spend a good full 4 days with Iskandar, just de two of us, exploring the sights and sounds of Bangkok. Its been a while since we had that luxury, but all the time I know we both were missing Imran terribly :P

We stayed at a cute little boutique hotel in the outskirts of Sukhumvit, near On Nut station, Imm Hotel. Scored a great deal with the stay-for-3-nites-pay-for-2 package. They even threw in a free Thai massage and BTS day pass. Awesome deal. Anyone heading to Bangkok on a budget, please checkout this hotel www.immhotel.com/fusion-home.html

hotel entrance

The hotel looks like one of those old Chinese heritage homes u see in Melaka, with a modern touch. I especially love the pool and lounge area. Super cozy and unpretentious. The resident turtles are very friendly too, always poking their heads out of the water when we pass by.

me with the resident turtle




the pool

Went to Chatuchak market on Saturday AND Sunday for our shopping binge. It was madness, stuffy, claustrophobic, and the smell of pork meat was just dreadful. At the same time, it was exhilirating to be among thousands of shoppers, bargaining away for things that are already priced dirt cheap! Bought lotsa stuff for the home, Thai silk sheets, big wooden pots and paintings and other bric-a-bracs. Of course I so can't resist the cutesy dresses and flip-flops! Bought extra for friends who I think would be interested but now I'm having second thoughts to keep it for myself!

coffee break at Phatpong

And the FOOD..ohh..I'm so missing the mango and sticky rice dessert. Had it practically every day after EVERY meal! They are that good.

one of the many i had

As I was on the BTS from MBK making my way back to our hotel (Iskandar wanted to shop some more after Chatuchak but I needed to get home coz I was so sweaty and tired), I thought to myself that this is a city I can actually live in, not just for the shopping, but also for the low cost of living, cheap massages, convenience of city traveling and food of course. And did I mention that the public toilets are super clean? Even the toilets at Chatuchak were suprisingly clean, when thousands use it every hour! I can safely say that KLCC toilets pun kalah ok.

I can't wait to go back again, I think I left a little piece of my heart in Bangkok.

Something in the water..

Phewh, what a weekend it has been. I'm so groggy here at my desk this morning. Hardly got any sleep, awakened every 30mins or so by Iskandar's tummy noises :P Poor guy must've ate sumthin bad last nite, had terrible food poisoning and finally puked it all out sometime round 3am. Speaking bout food poisoning, it seems like its been going around, this tummy flu bug. I took Friday off to take care of Imran. He's been having horrible tummy ache for 3 days already, throwing up, diaorrhea, fever, the works. My poor baby. Tasha, my niece also got the tummy flu Friday morning too and was throwing up all over, so my sis had to send her to Mum's place. I figured, poor Tokmi can't take care of 2 sick kids, so I decided to stay home and take care of Imran while Tasha stays at Tokmi's. He was a lil fretful, refusing the ORS and kept asking for "minum / sirap / oreng". I totally detested the ORS when I had tummy flu too. Whoever said ORS is good for you prolly has never tasted it himself. What a load of bull. It tastes like salty crap. His lips was so dried n cracked from dehydration, it was really sad to see him crying away asking for "minum". I chucked the ORS in de sink atfer a few hours n gave him Ribena and was so glad to see Imran sipping away.

He got a lil better on Sunday. Good timing coz MIL and family were coming over to stay that night. Was so happy to see him back to his usual self and enjoying the attention of his Atok, Tah and Uncle Har. Come Sunday nite, Iskandar pulak got hit by the tummy flu bug.

There must be something in the water I think. No wonder we Selangor folks got it for free.. :P

My personal thoughts

The reason i started writing on this blog maybe similar to some, that is to express my personal feelings albeit anonymously. Sorta like keeping a personal diary online. I've never told anyone, even closest friends and family bout it. As far as my writings are concerned, I've been writing straight from my heart, things that I feel deeply about, things that are too personal to be discussed or too mushy to some people. For those who really know me, they would describe me as a no-nonsense, somewhat secretive, laidback and easy-going kinda girl. Kinda like Miranda from SATC, minus the baby-daddy drama. I've never shared my deepest thoughts and fears with friends.

Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm always left out of the loop when it comes to the drama or lovelives of my friends :P Thing is, I've always lived on these two principles, life and love should come easy. We can't sweat the small stuff but we also shouldn't ignore any warning bells in our heads, no matter how soft the ring is. Nobody's perfect, esp. me but that doesn't mean that my life is doomed. Love is hard work, but it shouldn't be too hard, to the point that you sacrifice your own feelings and principles. Otherwise, it's just not worth it and we should walkaway, no matter how hard it is to find someone to like, who fancies us in return in the first place. Especially when it comes to something so forbidden, like married men /women. That's just plain wrong. I've known a few who were in these kind of tormenting relationships. The heartache it leaves the lovers when its over is nothing compared to the broken lives of the spouses / children left in the trail.

But then again, some people are addicted to drama. It keeps them on their toes. I can admit having a bit of drama in my personal life. The fights were horrible but the making up is oh-so-sweet afterwards. Addictive stuff. But in time, esp after marriage, I've learnt that love doesn't deserve to be treated so lightly, that every little mistake should not be blown out of proportion to the point of shouting matches and harsh words. Love is above all that.

Contrary to what some would think, I do feel that we must put ourselves first before our partners. We should love and appreciate ourselves more than our partners do. Not to the point of being a selfish, heartless bitch but we must never let our self-worth or principles be compromised in the name of "love".

This Valentine's Day, I hope people would learn to love, respect and appreciate themselves more.

Kinky baby

I felt my baby move a little few days ago - and in the most inappropriate circumstance. See, last Saturday we had a hen's dinner party for a girlfriend who's getting hitch this weekend. It was a nice dinner with a small group of close girlfriends. Typical noisy, chatty, gossippy nite out. The bride-to-be was her usual gorgeous and radiant self. We then adjourned to nearby PNB Darby Park for a nitecap and a game of charades. Bout half past midnite, I was starting to get sleepy but the host persuaded us to stay on as there was still another surprise for the bride-to-be.

Few minutes on and our doorbell was rang, and in comes two strange looking men. Ahah! U guessed it, strippers! We managed to prop our lil' bride on a chair, put on some kinky dance music on the CD player and one of the guys then started to do his "moves". It was hilarious and scary at the same time, we forgot that it was supposed to be sexy! Anyway, the stripper did his thing i.e. stripping, dirty dancing and showing off his notti moves, I thot I was back in Phatpong! Kinky stuff I tell ya. Anyway, I was just sitting there on my couch with a cushion half covering my face due to the "inappropriateness" haha when suddenly I felt a small kick in my belly. Not a strong kick, but felt more like a popped air bubble. It can't be the baby, i thought. Few mins later and "plop!" Another little kick. And all the while the stripper was still gyrating and grinding in front of me. The kicks were more frequent since then, I can't really tell whether he's kicking in excitement or he's just plain annoyed with the loud techno music. I have a horrible feeling that it's the former.

So I guess my baby's been corrupted even before he was born. Terrible! Told hubby when I got home and though he too found it funny that the baby is a horny lil bugger (is it even possible?) he insists on getting me headphones to play Quran verses.. sorta like to cleanse his mind again after that dirrty nite out with Mummy.

The kicks are getting stronger now. Its so exciting knowing that I'm halfway to meet my new "baby tibam". And I hope the baby will never know bout that stripper thing!

Zionist bastards

I cried as I read this..damn the Zionist animals. No words can describe my disgust in them.
Nauzubillah.

Taken from
http://www.our-palestine.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=89:gaza-city-qdad-im-dyingq&catid=34:palestine-news

GAZA CITY — "Dad, I'm dying."

The words keep echoing in Kamal Awaga's ears, sending jolts of pain into his feeble, wounded body.

These were the last words uttered by his 9-year-old son, Ibrahim, before he ended up as a practicing target for Israeli soldiers.

"They killed my son in cold blood," says the grief-stricken father, still in a state of shock.

Ibrahim joined more than 350 children killed by Israel in its three-week onslaught on the coastal enclave.

But while others fell victim to killer bullets or deadly bombs, Ibrahim's fate was even more tragic.

He became a shooting practice for a squad of Israeli soldiers.

"The Israelis did not show mercy for his innocence," said his tearful father from his bed at the Al-Shefa hospital in Gaza City.

"They had no pity for his tiny body," added the heart-broken father.

A Sunny Day

Nothing in the day prepared the Awaga family for the tragic twist of events that unfolded.

They woke up to a sunny morning after days of being locked in one small room to escape the massive Israeli bombardment.

"Mom, let's have our breakfast out in the garden. I'm tired of staying in this room," the grieved mother recalls Ibrahim's plea.

An hour later, the table was set in the garden and the family was hoping to enjoy rare moments of peace, unaware of the eyes watching them from a distance.

A first missile stole the family's job before another destroyed their house.

"Dad, I am dying," cried Ibrahim to his father who rushed frantically to his side.

"Hurry, let's go," Awaga told his wife and two other children while carrying bleeding Ibrahim.

But even before they could reach the gate, a flood of bullets showered them.

One bullet hit the mother's leg and another hit the father's waist.

Ibrahim's two frightened brothers ran for cover behind the rubbles of their bombed-out house.

Shooting Practice

As the firing died down, the family thought their misery was over. But the Israeli soldiers were not finished yet.

"When the soldiers came closer, I thought they will kill me," said Awaga who faked being dead.

"But they were aiming at my young child," he said choking at the bitter memory.

One soldier came close to Ibrahim's body, turning him by his leg and laughing while another fired his gun to the dead boy's head.

Laughs got louder as they carried the body to a higher place to start their party.

For a whole hour, the father hushed his cries of pain as he watched the Israeli soldiers compete in sniping on his dead son's body.

"They were using his bullet-ridden, bleeding body as a shooting practice.

"With each bullet, they were humming with words I could not figure out, but it sounded full of rapture. It was as if they were celebrating."

When they finally had enough "practicing," the Israelis took their guns and left the house.

Four complete days passed before emergency doctors were able to find their way to the family and rush them to hospital.

"What did my son do to deserve that?" Awaga asks, shaking his head in disbelief.

"The Israelis killed my kid, not once or twice but a thousand times."

I miss my girlfriends

Was on the phone with one of my best girlfrens and was shocked to hear of some horrible things endured by another close girlfriend of ours. never once during the few times that i saw her did she mention her troubles to me.. and we used to be really close, meeting up for after work drinks and chit chat at least twice a week. so upsetting.. my fault i know. i'm so guilty for not being in touch with my girlfriends as much as i should. life has just been so consuming, with work, family and household matters to worry about. but i should have made more time for friends, more so during difficult times they had to go through. had a long chat with my other friend who told me the summarized version of all the things i missed for the past few months. it made me feel somewhat upset that i've been kept out of the loop all the while but i realize that it's partly my fault for not caring enough to pick up the phone and call them up for coffee or just to check how they're doing. maybe i won't be much help to the situation but at least i can let them know that i'm always here for them for support.

it's a new year and my resolution for this year is to make more time for friends. now that i've got a new maid it's time to get my social life back on track! i only have a few months of mobility before i get too big to move my fat arse anyway!

tomorrow we're having a girly lunch at my bestie's. can't wait to catch up with my friends and just absorb every single detail. let hubby take charge at home for once :)

Here's to Girlfriends!