down bad memory lane

hubby suggested dat we go down to seremban and visit our old skools over there..juz to see how much things have changed(if any).he used to go to KTJ n i was a TKC girl.its not that i hate the skool,it was the most fun time of my life..the frens i had..still as close as ever with the girls.however many fond memories i had while i was there for 5 years,there was still this little black dot in my memory book.a black mark ive managed to block out for so many years now.you see,the more closer i got to my skool frens,the more far apart i got with my parents and family.i never really got over the thought that i was actually sent there by my parents so that they can be rid of me.ok,maybe that's not wat they actually said to me but that was how i felt.i mean,id always had the idea that im not the favorite child in the family,and sending me away for 5 years just about confirms it.it was horrible..seeing all my other frens' with their parents n siblings..laughing together,picnic-ing round de skool greens..family weekend outings..while i literally had to beg,pujuk,even cried on de many phone calls to my mum..juz to make them come visit me.juz to remind them about the other daughter here who really2 needed their love,assurance and support..i felt abandoned here..like they didnt care at all,like they're relieved that im out of their sight.all i needed was to be in constant contact with my family,to know wat's goin on in their lives,to share the hell stuff i had to go thru here..instead,they cut me off.i truly despised them at one point.exam seasons were the worst,while other parents came down to visit their kids and give moral support,i had to lock myself up in my room n pujuk myself.it was terrible..during PMR n SPM,they couldnt be bothered to even see me n wish me luck n doakan me!n all this while they were staying a merely 45 mins away!

but that was then..eversince i left skool n came home,was really difficult,getting used to being a part of the family again.conversations were always short,polite and very awkward.quarreled with my mom constantly.she was always criticising my frens,my life,decisions i make,the guys i go out with.i felt that she had no right whatsoever to do all these things to me.she never cared for 5 years,why start now?i kept mostly to myself in my room n spent more time with my frens.until now,even when im married,i still consider myself a stranger to my family.hardly see them..only on special occasions like birthdays..but i try harder now that i no longer live with them.they're still the only family i have right..ive been able to block out the bad times i had at skool..but im not ready yet to go back n be reminded of those awful times.even writing about this is painful..