Mia's scare

Past 3 days had been so terrifying for me as Mia was admitted for high fever and fits. Yes, fits! She developed a high temperature fever on Tuesday afternoon which got worse that night. Iskandar was in Brunei for the big move so the kids and I stayed at Mum's for a few days. At about 7:00am on Wednesday morning, I had just fed her some milk and she was just dozing off when she suddenly jolted and screamed. As I carried her to comfort her, her eyes suddenly rolled upwards and she started to clench her fists in a seizure! In a panic, I ran all over the house looking for my parents with her in my arms, still seizing..it was the most horrifying 30seconds of my life. I had no clue what to do, I just blanked, helpless as I held her tightly hoping she would stop seizing.

After about 30 seconds, she went still, but her eyes were still rolled upwards. Mum appeared out of nowhere and immediately grabbed a wet towel to wrap around her. I heard my parents scolding me for not toweling her through the night but I couldn't really respond coz I was madly terrified about losing her. She looks so weak and helpless. She just stared blankly into space even I was calling her name loudly and pinching her cheeks. She stayed that way until we arrived at the hospital. Then only she would respond by looking at me when I called her name. That was when I felt so so relieved, that she'd came back to me.

I didn't tell Iskandar at first as I know he's going through a lot of stress with the moving, and I didn't want him to feel helpless in the situation. And also coz I was scared to death that he would blame me for not looking after her properly. But I had to tell him when her paed said that she needs to be admitted. He panicked of course, but I'm so glad that he didn't blame me. We both didn't know about these things, never having experienced it with Imran.

Mum followed me to the hospital, she then told me that I used to have fits when I was about Mia's age too. In fact, I was the only one among my siblings to have it. Like me, my mum panicked when I had it the first time, and straightaway put me under a cold shower. Later at the paed's clinic, I found out that the condition is hereditary, and unfortunately I had passed the condition to Mia, the poor thing.

Mia's feeling better today. She has a viral infection which caused the high temp and fits. Today her temp reading is between 36-37 but she's still not yet out of the woods. It'll be at least a week of antibiotics until she can fully recover.

I couldn't believe myself for taking her fever for granted. Thing is, we were due to return on home that Wednesday anyway so I thought I still had time to properly feed her meds and monitor her temp when we go home as all our meds and kits were at home. But of course I was too late, her temp read 39.6 by the time we reached the hospital. She could have reached 40 when we were at home, which probly triggered the fits.

I swear I won't let it happen again. I have all the knowledge (I hope) and medical supplies with me, in case she develops another fever. I pray and hope that I don't ever have to use them at all.

Hopes for the new year

Aside from the blessings of our new baby girl in June, I would say that 2009 had been quite a year of challenges, marred by losses of loved ones, and changes in the office scene which saw us butting heads with the new management and parting ways with our beloved colleagues.

Come December, I was ready to throw in the towel and was pleasantly surprised when another career opportunity came a-knockin' at the right time! I turned them down last year when they offered, as I was so happy and contented with where I was then, but given the sudden twist of events, also taking that it's been 5 plus years that I've been doing the same stuff, I figured what better time to escape the "madness" and join the other side of the fence. So, after much thought and tete-a-tete sessions with my ex-bosses and colleagues, I've finally put in my resignation on the 31st of December. Couldn't think of any better day to quit then the last day of the year!

Mixed feelings, of course, I can't help but feel a little sentimental bout leaving this second home of mine, esp. those colleagues whom I've grown to know and love after 5 long years. But I guess I have to move on, for my own good and for the company's good, as I've been unhappy here for quite sometime with all this changes and politics of the new management. I'm starting to slack a lot more too, my production was terrible, didn't reach my target for the first time ever, and I didn't give a shit! So I really should move on.

New year means new resolutions, yeah old news but this year Iskandar and I resolve to spend more "grown-up time", just the two of us, without the kiddies. As much as I wish there's more waking hours in a day to be with my babies, we do need to take care of our relationship too. So, Iskandar will be in charge of our social diary (chewah!) while I'll plan our couple's getaways. Let's just hope this won't be another warm-warm-chicken-shit talk :)

A little update

Mummy arrived from Mekah on Tuesday and I'm so happy that her haj trip went well. She's still having that awful dry cough though, I hope that one goes off soon too. She really missed her cucus and was a little upset that Mia didn't quite recognize her and started to cry when she carried her. But I guess it's just takes a little time for Mia to familiarize herself to Tokmi again. Imran on the other hand, didn't seem to notice the fact that Tokmi's been gone for over a month, macam biasa je dia dengan Tokmi. He adores his Tokmi who in turn spoils him to bits. Of course Mummy had her own haj stories and adventures to tell and we were all just glued to every bit of detail and I was quite secretly admiring her for toughing up and braving the 3million plus crowd of mostly huge and rough Arabs. She hopes to bring Ayah with her next, InsyaAllah.

It is Christmas eve and office is on halfday today. I think it was a mistake for the company sec to announce the halfday coz I heard the CEO giving her an earful for not getting his consent to declare the falfday, albeit being company tradition to close early on Christmas and New Years's eve :D

So this long weekend's gonna be another round of pottytraining for Imran. He's doing well so far, with no accidents after the first two days. We're still taking him to the toilet every half hourly. Hopefully soon we can extend the time to every hourly. No progress yet on No.2 though :P

I plan to introduce more new foods to Mia too. Maybe rice and chicken with a little veggie. My mum said she gave her a taste of Imran's porridge and she seems to love it! That girl's so gonna outgrow her big brother. This is a recent pic of her:

We'll be taking the children to the Bird Park this weekend, with a couple of friends. Pack some snacks and have a little picnic at the park. Imran loves the outdoors and it's quite a shame that he's been couped up at home most of the school holidays. Hope the weather is good though.

I end this post with some photos taken during our little camwhore-ing session around the Christmas decorations at Gardens. Merry Christmas to those celebrating and God bless.

On cloth diapers and potty training

I've switched Mia's daytime diapers to cloth diapers, bought from one of my closest girlfriends. The brand is Gifts From Heaven and they are truly heaven sent! They are so easy to use, easy to clean and best of all, the fabric is so gentle to her skin, no sign of diaper rash at all. Looks like I can ditch the Drapolene next! Another plus! Here's the girl, rockin' her diapers:

I have to admit that the initial cost is quite high, RM260 for a set of 6, with 12 inserts. But after a few months, I can really appreciate the savings from buying disposables. My only regret is for not starting earlier! And it's also great that the room is now spacious with two less giant disposable diaper packs and the kids' bathroom don't stink of the disposables anymore :P (except when Imran does his business, that is).

Oh yeah, on the boy. We are planning to start the (eek!) toilet training this upcoming long weekend. I've bought a few pairs of kid underwear for starters. If all goes well, I'll take him shopping for some fancy Ben 10 ones later :) I hope he will be pottytrained by the time school starts in January, so it won't be too hard when the teachers take over at school.

Wednesday my in laws will be returning home, and as much as I am GLAD to finally be able to be by myself again, I'm kinda sad thinking of how they will miss the children. I could really see how they have bonded with the two kids and I'm sure they will miss being spoilt by their Tok and Tah too. I'm also worried bout leaving my Dad to be in charge of my charges until Mummy comes back sometime next week. He's not too strong himself and I hope my maid is able to help him sort out de house a bit in time for Mummy's return.

Ok, it's already past 10, I really should start working :). Till later.

Never enough

Am feeling really lousy despite the coming weekend. In fact, i'm sorta dreading going home later, following the events of last nite and this morning. Iskandar told me this morning bout the argument he had with MIL this morning over a stupid thing - how I failed to prepare a proper dinner for the family last nite. I guess he finally came round over how childish and rude he was over the incomplete dinner and was trying to defend himself and me when MIL remarked that she wouldn't serve such lousy dinner to Papa and her sons.

I accept that perhaps I did blew dinner, but I do believe that she wouldn't say all those things if he didn't make a big fuss of it in front of her in the first place, knowing FOR A FACT how sensitive MIL is when it comes to my shortcomings in caring for her son and grandchildren. I am trying damn hard to come home in time every effing day, through the stupid crazy jams of KL, with a rushed stop at the supermarket to buy things to cook for dinner, and then race home in time to give Mia her last feed, put her down by 7pm and start dinner.

Yesterday was even worse coz I had to drive to Melaka early morning on assignment and was super exhausted after the long drive and longer day on site. Especially hard as I had to tend to Mia when she woke up for a feed at about 3am (Alredi asked a favour from him to handle the night feed since i have to be up really early, but of course he didn't wake up, what was I thinking??). Imagine how insulted and humiliated I felt when he keeps pointing the fact that I blew dinner, right in front of his parents. Now they don't even want to eat at home anymore coz it seems like its too troublesome for me read: I can't cope being a working mum and preparing a complete dinner for the whole family (plus two maids).

I wish he was sensitive to my feelings and respectful enough to not humiliate me like that, but what can I say, things have been said and done. I tried to be thick skinned and just take it calmly last nite but when I found out what MIL thought about it, I just can't hold it in anymore and the tears started to flow. Maybe I'm not a good enough wife and mother, what more daughter in-law. I'm not trying to be perfect, but I'm trying so effing hard to keep everybody happy. Why can't he do the same for me?????

Wish my mum could come back sooner. There's just too many ppl in the house I can't breathe.

Concert time!

Imran's school concert was held on Saturday and we had so much fun watching him! So surreal to see him in his element, singing and dancing for the first time to whole songs and with dance steps! I have to admit that I was half expecting him to screw the whole thing and just go off to do his own dance routine but surprisingly, he followed the routine with the other kids pretty darn good! He was involved in a minor tug-o-war between two girls at one point, so cute to watch them both trying to kiss and hug him :D For his first real concert, and being only 3 years old at that, I'm so SO proud of how he behaved himself and put on a really awesome show!

Anyway, here are some photos to share :)

Doing the Indian dance

The Ketchup Song

Imran n his girl Amelina singing We Are The World

Well done Imran!!

And Reconnect We Did

I've been feeling so demotivated at work and frustrated with career plans that didn't exactly go through that by Thursday I was all set for a major meltdown. It started at breakfast which was meant to be my kickoff point towards a great career, but somehow in a way I could not comprehend went the other direction and I found myself back in the dumps. Had lunch with Iskandar that day after the disastrous revelation and instead of feeling comforted, I got shot down yet another time. I knew that I had to do something about this before I lose my mind and that same afternoon, after confronting the person who sort of was responsible for stalling my plan, I managed to gain perspective of things again. Even if things don't really work out for me I've decided to not dwell on it and move on. I shouldn't keep my hopes up about this anymore. I've set my price and I'll stick with it. Take it or leave it. No more false hopes.

I know Iskandar felt bad for not being able to give me the solution I was hoping for but it was never his problem in the first place. It was all me, and I felt so guilty for putting him in such a predicament. We talked it over later but I've already decided that I'm not gonna let this "issue" bring me down, and worse, affect my personal life. With that, the barriers between us were gone, as I reached out to him for his support which he gave with his whole heart.

Spent the whole of Sunday baking brownies, my other love. My favourite part was licking the bowl afterwards with Imran, both of us covered in yummy chocolate ;-) Perfect! Guess the lesson for me is to take each day as it comes and not to put all your eggs in one basket! :D