After so long

of not updating this blog i really dont know where to start!! a lot has been happening past few weeks, it's been one helluva crazy roller coaster ride that i'm still on! but it's all good, tiring as hell but good. work's been taking me around from bangkok to ipoh to jb to singapore and soon another roadshow will start. most likely the east coast next week. i still haven't unpacked my little trolleybag can u believe it.

Both the kiddies have been up and down with the cough and cold..my poor babies. imran's missed school this whole week, just to make sure he's cleared of the cough completely. just can't think of what parent sends their sick kids to school only to infect the other kiddies!! damn you, irresponsible, sorry excuse of a parent! Mia's even more kesian, the coughing's disturbing her sleep..i do hope she gets better soon. breaks my heart to hear her coughing way into the night..

Oh, Mia's started to take her first steps!!! i just can't believe how fast he's progressing in her motor skills. she started standing about a month ago n if she's distracted with a toy while standing up, she will take little steps without even realizing it. but when she does, i think she sorta freaks out a bit with the movement and sits down again. it's soooo cute to watch..

Tonite is Saturday nite and i'm all alone with the kids..and maids...n Kat :P. Well only iskandar is away. aaaanyways, i'm just gonna have a quiet nite in with my Lovely Bones. i've read halfway and it's such a page turner but i just had to stop at about 3am while i was in bangkok or risk missing my important meeting the next day!

So..hopefully it won't be too long before my next update again..good nite..

New career

Started my new job after about a week plus of tai-tai-ing and work's been on fifth gear ever since! and here i thought that my first week working at a GLC would be easy-breezy-goyang -kaki :P and for the first time in a long time i don't find myself checking the clock every other half hour as i was always having my hands and head full with paperwork to do, client portfolios to study and meetings to attend. and it's such a great feeling, to be part of a young, energetic team again. it's only my first week and i've already started leaving office at like 7pm - 8pm! it's not good i know, i should learn to manage my work better (and my boss) and try to get home before the kids' bedtime. imran's already showing separation anxiety symptoms when he insists i go to bed with him and says things like "Mummy, no need to go work ok" or "Mummy, sleep with imran ok, jom" with that big eyes and adorable pleading voice.

My teammates are a friendly bunch of jokers. i could see that my boss has done a good job in putting together a great team. they tell me about those crazy times they had to stay overnite at office due to tender submission, constant travelling, etc. but they did give me the impression that it's all good and not a burden at all coz the work is exciting and my boss gives everyone equal opportunity to learn and lead the team for each and every project. i love that they've been genuinely helpful and friendly to me, despite my blurness, being new. i hope to catch up with them soon.

Wishing myself all the best of luck for the next week - it's gonna be another crazy one! Nite-nite!

Soulmates schmoulmates

A friend recently asked me whether i think Iskandar is my soulmate, and that kinda caught me offguard a bit. Don't get me wrong, I love him to bits but we do have our differences. Like a LOT. for example, he's into TV shows like Lost and rock music and PS3, while i'm more a Channel E person and r&b and i just can't stand Lost. he's a scruffy messy guy and i'm a neat-freak Monica. he's a movie buff while i always fall asleep halfway. Honestly, I don't think we have much in common but we do come together in the important stuff, like the kids, money and stuff. and he has my back whenever i need him, my shoulder to cry on, a listening ear without judging. i don't feel the need to be around him 24 hours a day, we're quite fine being on our own sometimes.

I define soulmates as people who are totally into each other, think alike and have everything in common. i'm trying hard to not sound cynical but i think anyone who wants to get in your pants can be (or pretend to be) your soulmate. the kind of intense attraction, physical and emotional that gets you on a high usually fizzles at the first sign of boy-girl commitment, let alone marriage. But that's where the fun truly is, discovering the quirks and unsavoury habits and learn to be patient and adapt to the reality coz love is much more than that.

So i guess the above kinda answers the question, no, i don't think Iskandar is my soulmate. He is my lover, a reliable husband and father and my best friend, all rolled into one scruffy, bald mess. and i love him to bits for that.

Lazy hazy Wednesday

Good morning! And what a cool morning it is today, a lovely break after the many days of scorching hot sunny ones. Most of us would still be at home or kampung, extending the long CNY break through the weekend. Like my hubby who i suspect should still be on his PS3, still in his PJs, tak gosok gigi and all at this time. I'm so jealous. But it's ok, I'll have my long break coming next week, yeay!

Anyway, the weekend had been a good one for us. Saturday nite with the girls, a bit of gardening and on Sunday Iskandar took me out for a Valentine's dinner date at my favourite restaurant, Cafe Cafe. I must admit I slacked BIG time this year, I didn't get him anything, not even a card!!! I thought with all the big spendings this past few weeks, it would be sorta understood that Valentine's would be very2 low-key, or nothing at all. And then he came and surprised me with the most beautiful Thomas Sabo charm bracelet...sigh. Felt so bad for not getting him anything! I know he's been looking at Blackberries and I'm looking to get him one for his birthday. So i hope that makes up for my slack.

Yesterday had both sets of grandparents over for dinner. I whipped up a fab (haha) dinner of ayam rempah, red snapper broth, sambal kentang, veggies and a side of sambal belacan and cili padi. Yums! Dah le had Thurkah's banana leaf rice for lunch, mentekedarah lagi that nite :P Really2 need to detox before yet another pig out session at Hood's this weekend!

So here i am this morning, at my desk, trying so hard to concentrate on work but my mind is at home, my tummy is bloated and my eyes can't look at anything else but the gorgeous charm bracelet wrapped around my wrist :) Cepatla 5:30!!

Mia's scare

Past 3 days had been so terrifying for me as Mia was admitted for high fever and fits. Yes, fits! She developed a high temperature fever on Tuesday afternoon which got worse that night. Iskandar was in Brunei for the big move so the kids and I stayed at Mum's for a few days. At about 7:00am on Wednesday morning, I had just fed her some milk and she was just dozing off when she suddenly jolted and screamed. As I carried her to comfort her, her eyes suddenly rolled upwards and she started to clench her fists in a seizure! In a panic, I ran all over the house looking for my parents with her in my arms, still seizing..it was the most horrifying 30seconds of my life. I had no clue what to do, I just blanked, helpless as I held her tightly hoping she would stop seizing.

After about 30 seconds, she went still, but her eyes were still rolled upwards. Mum appeared out of nowhere and immediately grabbed a wet towel to wrap around her. I heard my parents scolding me for not toweling her through the night but I couldn't really respond coz I was madly terrified about losing her. She looks so weak and helpless. She just stared blankly into space even I was calling her name loudly and pinching her cheeks. She stayed that way until we arrived at the hospital. Then only she would respond by looking at me when I called her name. That was when I felt so so relieved, that she'd came back to me.

I didn't tell Iskandar at first as I know he's going through a lot of stress with the moving, and I didn't want him to feel helpless in the situation. And also coz I was scared to death that he would blame me for not looking after her properly. But I had to tell him when her paed said that she needs to be admitted. He panicked of course, but I'm so glad that he didn't blame me. We both didn't know about these things, never having experienced it with Imran.

Mum followed me to the hospital, she then told me that I used to have fits when I was about Mia's age too. In fact, I was the only one among my siblings to have it. Like me, my mum panicked when I had it the first time, and straightaway put me under a cold shower. Later at the paed's clinic, I found out that the condition is hereditary, and unfortunately I had passed the condition to Mia, the poor thing.

Mia's feeling better today. She has a viral infection which caused the high temp and fits. Today her temp reading is between 36-37 but she's still not yet out of the woods. It'll be at least a week of antibiotics until she can fully recover.

I couldn't believe myself for taking her fever for granted. Thing is, we were due to return on home that Wednesday anyway so I thought I still had time to properly feed her meds and monitor her temp when we go home as all our meds and kits were at home. But of course I was too late, her temp read 39.6 by the time we reached the hospital. She could have reached 40 when we were at home, which probly triggered the fits.

I swear I won't let it happen again. I have all the knowledge (I hope) and medical supplies with me, in case she develops another fever. I pray and hope that I don't ever have to use them at all.

Hopes for the new year

Aside from the blessings of our new baby girl in June, I would say that 2009 had been quite a year of challenges, marred by losses of loved ones, and changes in the office scene which saw us butting heads with the new management and parting ways with our beloved colleagues.

Come December, I was ready to throw in the towel and was pleasantly surprised when another career opportunity came a-knockin' at the right time! I turned them down last year when they offered, as I was so happy and contented with where I was then, but given the sudden twist of events, also taking that it's been 5 plus years that I've been doing the same stuff, I figured what better time to escape the "madness" and join the other side of the fence. So, after much thought and tete-a-tete sessions with my ex-bosses and colleagues, I've finally put in my resignation on the 31st of December. Couldn't think of any better day to quit then the last day of the year!

Mixed feelings, of course, I can't help but feel a little sentimental bout leaving this second home of mine, esp. those colleagues whom I've grown to know and love after 5 long years. But I guess I have to move on, for my own good and for the company's good, as I've been unhappy here for quite sometime with all this changes and politics of the new management. I'm starting to slack a lot more too, my production was terrible, didn't reach my target for the first time ever, and I didn't give a shit! So I really should move on.

New year means new resolutions, yeah old news but this year Iskandar and I resolve to spend more "grown-up time", just the two of us, without the kiddies. As much as I wish there's more waking hours in a day to be with my babies, we do need to take care of our relationship too. So, Iskandar will be in charge of our social diary (chewah!) while I'll plan our couple's getaways. Let's just hope this won't be another warm-warm-chicken-shit talk :)

A little update

Mummy arrived from Mekah on Tuesday and I'm so happy that her haj trip went well. She's still having that awful dry cough though, I hope that one goes off soon too. She really missed her cucus and was a little upset that Mia didn't quite recognize her and started to cry when she carried her. But I guess it's just takes a little time for Mia to familiarize herself to Tokmi again. Imran on the other hand, didn't seem to notice the fact that Tokmi's been gone for over a month, macam biasa je dia dengan Tokmi. He adores his Tokmi who in turn spoils him to bits. Of course Mummy had her own haj stories and adventures to tell and we were all just glued to every bit of detail and I was quite secretly admiring her for toughing up and braving the 3million plus crowd of mostly huge and rough Arabs. She hopes to bring Ayah with her next, InsyaAllah.

It is Christmas eve and office is on halfday today. I think it was a mistake for the company sec to announce the halfday coz I heard the CEO giving her an earful for not getting his consent to declare the falfday, albeit being company tradition to close early on Christmas and New Years's eve :D

So this long weekend's gonna be another round of pottytraining for Imran. He's doing well so far, with no accidents after the first two days. We're still taking him to the toilet every half hourly. Hopefully soon we can extend the time to every hourly. No progress yet on No.2 though :P

I plan to introduce more new foods to Mia too. Maybe rice and chicken with a little veggie. My mum said she gave her a taste of Imran's porridge and she seems to love it! That girl's so gonna outgrow her big brother. This is a recent pic of her:

We'll be taking the children to the Bird Park this weekend, with a couple of friends. Pack some snacks and have a little picnic at the park. Imran loves the outdoors and it's quite a shame that he's been couped up at home most of the school holidays. Hope the weather is good though.

I end this post with some photos taken during our little camwhore-ing session around the Christmas decorations at Gardens. Merry Christmas to those celebrating and God bless.

On cloth diapers and potty training

I've switched Mia's daytime diapers to cloth diapers, bought from one of my closest girlfriends. The brand is Gifts From Heaven and they are truly heaven sent! They are so easy to use, easy to clean and best of all, the fabric is so gentle to her skin, no sign of diaper rash at all. Looks like I can ditch the Drapolene next! Another plus! Here's the girl, rockin' her diapers:

I have to admit that the initial cost is quite high, RM260 for a set of 6, with 12 inserts. But after a few months, I can really appreciate the savings from buying disposables. My only regret is for not starting earlier! And it's also great that the room is now spacious with two less giant disposable diaper packs and the kids' bathroom don't stink of the disposables anymore :P (except when Imran does his business, that is).

Oh yeah, on the boy. We are planning to start the (eek!) toilet training this upcoming long weekend. I've bought a few pairs of kid underwear for starters. If all goes well, I'll take him shopping for some fancy Ben 10 ones later :) I hope he will be pottytrained by the time school starts in January, so it won't be too hard when the teachers take over at school.

Wednesday my in laws will be returning home, and as much as I am GLAD to finally be able to be by myself again, I'm kinda sad thinking of how they will miss the children. I could really see how they have bonded with the two kids and I'm sure they will miss being spoilt by their Tok and Tah too. I'm also worried bout leaving my Dad to be in charge of my charges until Mummy comes back sometime next week. He's not too strong himself and I hope my maid is able to help him sort out de house a bit in time for Mummy's return.

Ok, it's already past 10, I really should start working :). Till later.

Never enough

Am feeling really lousy despite the coming weekend. In fact, i'm sorta dreading going home later, following the events of last nite and this morning. Iskandar told me this morning bout the argument he had with MIL this morning over a stupid thing - how I failed to prepare a proper dinner for the family last nite. I guess he finally came round over how childish and rude he was over the incomplete dinner and was trying to defend himself and me when MIL remarked that she wouldn't serve such lousy dinner to Papa and her sons.

I accept that perhaps I did blew dinner, but I do believe that she wouldn't say all those things if he didn't make a big fuss of it in front of her in the first place, knowing FOR A FACT how sensitive MIL is when it comes to my shortcomings in caring for her son and grandchildren. I am trying damn hard to come home in time every effing day, through the stupid crazy jams of KL, with a rushed stop at the supermarket to buy things to cook for dinner, and then race home in time to give Mia her last feed, put her down by 7pm and start dinner.

Yesterday was even worse coz I had to drive to Melaka early morning on assignment and was super exhausted after the long drive and longer day on site. Especially hard as I had to tend to Mia when she woke up for a feed at about 3am (Alredi asked a favour from him to handle the night feed since i have to be up really early, but of course he didn't wake up, what was I thinking??). Imagine how insulted and humiliated I felt when he keeps pointing the fact that I blew dinner, right in front of his parents. Now they don't even want to eat at home anymore coz it seems like its too troublesome for me read: I can't cope being a working mum and preparing a complete dinner for the whole family (plus two maids).

I wish he was sensitive to my feelings and respectful enough to not humiliate me like that, but what can I say, things have been said and done. I tried to be thick skinned and just take it calmly last nite but when I found out what MIL thought about it, I just can't hold it in anymore and the tears started to flow. Maybe I'm not a good enough wife and mother, what more daughter in-law. I'm not trying to be perfect, but I'm trying so effing hard to keep everybody happy. Why can't he do the same for me?????

Wish my mum could come back sooner. There's just too many ppl in the house I can't breathe.

Concert time!

Imran's school concert was held on Saturday and we had so much fun watching him! So surreal to see him in his element, singing and dancing for the first time to whole songs and with dance steps! I have to admit that I was half expecting him to screw the whole thing and just go off to do his own dance routine but surprisingly, he followed the routine with the other kids pretty darn good! He was involved in a minor tug-o-war between two girls at one point, so cute to watch them both trying to kiss and hug him :D For his first real concert, and being only 3 years old at that, I'm so SO proud of how he behaved himself and put on a really awesome show!

Anyway, here are some photos to share :)

Doing the Indian dance

The Ketchup Song

Imran n his girl Amelina singing We Are The World

Well done Imran!!

And Reconnect We Did

I've been feeling so demotivated at work and frustrated with career plans that didn't exactly go through that by Thursday I was all set for a major meltdown. It started at breakfast which was meant to be my kickoff point towards a great career, but somehow in a way I could not comprehend went the other direction and I found myself back in the dumps. Had lunch with Iskandar that day after the disastrous revelation and instead of feeling comforted, I got shot down yet another time. I knew that I had to do something about this before I lose my mind and that same afternoon, after confronting the person who sort of was responsible for stalling my plan, I managed to gain perspective of things again. Even if things don't really work out for me I've decided to not dwell on it and move on. I shouldn't keep my hopes up about this anymore. I've set my price and I'll stick with it. Take it or leave it. No more false hopes.

I know Iskandar felt bad for not being able to give me the solution I was hoping for but it was never his problem in the first place. It was all me, and I felt so guilty for putting him in such a predicament. We talked it over later but I've already decided that I'm not gonna let this "issue" bring me down, and worse, affect my personal life. With that, the barriers between us were gone, as I reached out to him for his support which he gave with his whole heart.

Spent the whole of Sunday baking brownies, my other love. My favourite part was licking the bowl afterwards with Imran, both of us covered in yummy chocolate ;-) Perfect! Guess the lesson for me is to take each day as it comes and not to put all your eggs in one basket! :D

Need to reconnect

I have to admit that I have been so caught up with things at home and work that I neglect the most important things and person in my life. It is hard to be a Mummy (albeit being my no.1 most favourite job in the world) and maintain a professional life at the same time, that's a given. These days I've been taking over Mia's night feeds from Iskandar, which is fine by me as I really enjoy the quite times with her. But it's tough to wake up again at 6am, drag myself to work, rush home at 7pm, fetch the kids and prepare Mia for bed (she goes to bed between 7-730pm) that by the time I'm done with the routine, I'll be so dead beat to have a decent meal and conversation with Iskandar. I'll switch straight to "standby mode" on the couch in front of the TV, sometimes I'll remember to go up to bed but there are nights that I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself still on the couch!

Needless to say (but i'm gonna say it anyway), that my marriage is not doing so great right now. Things sorta became bad almost immediately after our anniversary, we hardly talk about things other than "hey, don't forget to change Mia's diapers" or "hey, we're running out of milk for Imran / Mia, can u get some?" or "hey, I'm gonna have dinner first and go to sleep right after" I think at one point we actually stopped talking to eachother totally and I sorta felt OK with that, wtf, coz some of the conversations can easily turn into arguments which I'm too tired to bother to handle. We've also stopped having our lunch dates.

I'm yawning away as I'm typing this, gosh I really need to do something bout my energy level. He texted me earlier, asking whether I'm free to lunch. Of course I am, always, for him. I just hope I can pull myself together and get over all this stupid exhaustion so that he won't think that I've lost interest in our marriage!

The 6 year mark

We had a rather low-key 6 year wedding anniversary yesterday, low key coz both of us are like dead broke hahaha! Amidst the dead broke situation, we still managed to squeeze out a few ringgits to buy each other his-and-hers perfumes - the new D&G 1 Le Bateleur for him and D&G 3 L'Imperatrice for me. And to our surprise, we got eachother the same cards! now if that's not what you call soulmates, I don't know what is! :)

Truthfully, this year I've got all the things I could only dream of before, for which I am truly, truly grateful to God for giving me this wonderful person as my life partner. Two beautiful children, a perfect home and surrounded by love 24-7, what more can I ask for?

The sacrifices he made for me are something I can never reciprocate, no matter how hard I try.

For our 6th wedding anniversary, there is nothing more that I could possibly want for us other than to stay as strongly committed to eachother, to be eachother's best friend, lover, confidante, partner-in-crime.

I love you Iskandar Putra, thank you for 6 wonderful years, here's to growing old together.

Money money money!

Yesterday was Mia's 4 month checkup and it's great to hear that her development's a little above average. But her paed was concerned bout the eczema just developing on her elbows, an indication of allergy. Given both our families' history with allergies, he advised us to switch to a hypoallergenic type of infant formula instead of the S26 as it's believed that she may be developing an allergy to milk protein. To start her off, we were given a tin of Mamex Gold Hypoallergenic, and I was shocked to find out later that a small 400g tin costs RM32!! and that's not even half a week's supply!! I then decided to table our budget for baby supplies to see if we can actually AFFORD to switch milks, regardless of what the paed thinks! :P

MIA
Mamex: RM32 x 8 = RM256
Mamy Poko: RM32
Drypers: RM25
Injections: RM300
Toilettries etc: RM20
TOTAL: RM633

IMRAN
Dugro: RM23 x 4 = RM92
Mamy Poko: RM45
Drypers: RM25
Toilettries etc: RM20
School Fees: RM200
TOTAL: RM751

Total both kids: RM1,384!!!

Blardy hell! we've never really compromised when it comes to the kids' necessities but now that i've actually wrote them down, its unbelievable the amount of money we spend on these stuff!! And we've only got 2, i wonder how other parents are coping with 3-4 kids, or more!

So i got iskandar to search for alternative milks to give Mia, (read:cheaper) and found out about soy milk. it's supposed to be good for babies who has milk protein allergies, lactose intolerant and other special needs babies. Price is slightly higher than S26 but definitely cheaper than the Mamex Gold. haven't actually tried it on her yet coz there's still some Mamex supply left for at least 2 days more. i hope she takes the new milk well as right now she doesn't seem to enjoy the Mamex milk much. She's only taken 8oz from 7am to 3pm when she's supposed to be taking 12oz by now.

Both babies are napping right now which means it's time to finally sit down and sort out my income tax problem. the whole point of me taking this long leave is to work my taxes and it's already Day 2 and the tax forms are still untouched! :P

Just another Raya post

Raya this year was moderately celebrated this year, at least for us. Had a lovely day in with the family, his and mine, just catching up and having a good time amidst the endless supply of lemang, rendang, ketupat and all sorts of kuih "tunjuk" :) Was a little bit upset on Raya morning coz we were too late to celebrate Raya with my parents and siblings, a family tradition for my side of the family. But I guess this is one of the sacrifices you make when you're married and I soon started to enjoy beraya with my in laws when they finally woke up at 3pm!! :) Imran had the best time I think, playing with the cousins. And Mia was just soaking up all the attention and enjoying the non stop cuddles and kisses from cousins, aunties, grandparents etc.

We went back to Alor Gajah later in the week to ziarah the graves of my late Daddy, Nenek, Mak Ngah, Pak Ngah, Atuk and Abang Lokman. Sitting on the tiled perimeters of Daddy's grave, I missed him even more. One day when the kids are big enough, I will tell them the story of their late Tok Daddy.

It's back to work now and the weather's been pretty gloomy these past few days, usual kinda weather expected during the October - December months. Makes it even harder to wake up in the morning and especially hard to leave my two babies at home :(

But today's a new day. In laws are leaving for Brunei and UK and we'll finally get to put some order into our lives and home. No doubt having the inlaws around are great but there are times when I wished it was just the four of us at home :P

I end this post with our family pic, taken on the first day of Raya.

Some updates

Mia's reaching 3 months pretty soon. It's unbelievable how fast time flies, which really surprises me this time considering it is the fasting month when things are expected to be sllooooowwweerrr than usual. Anyway, this also means that I've almost successfully breastfed Mia for her first 3 months, something that I'm personally quite proud about as it has not been so easy for me. Mia's not really good at direct breastfeeding, she gets easily distracted and pulls away at the earliest sign of milk letdown which is soooo frustrating..all that good stuff wasted away! :( So I've no choice but to pump and feed her with the bottle. Now that I've started work, I have to sneak in a few pumping sessions at where else but in my car! I guess this old building's got a few good things about it such as the extremely private carparks :)

Truthfully, the fasting month has been pretty tough on the milk supply, as I do not have the liberty to drink and eat properly as to observe the fasting period. Not that I'm fasting anyway since I'm breastfeeding, but yea, just to show respect to others who are. I can't wait for Ramadhan to be over, hopefully the supply will return to normal once my mealtimes are more balanced and regulated. I've recently continued taking the Fenugreek pills, but so far I haven't seen any improvement... Too soon to tell maybe. Of course I plan to breastfeed Mia as long as I can, at least longer than Imran which was 4 months before I finally threw in the towel. Fingers crossed!

Raya is coming real soon, like in 3 days time and this year is gonna be pretty much like last year. Except for the new addition to the family! I'm so excited to get her all dressed up in the cute little dress I got from Pumpkin Patch!

In laws are arriving tomorrow and I'm glad that everything's prepared for their stay. Except the computer room which we have temporarily converted to a bedroom for my bro inlaw. Just need to carry the sofabed up two flights of stairs from the basement! No big deal lah, hahaha (pengsan)!

Desperately seeking caffeine

It's back to the daily grind for me..yup, finally have to brace reality and stuff my feet into those black dusty pumps I've abandoned for quite a while. So far it's been really, REALLY slow for me at the office..seems like things haven't changed much since I went on my long leave.

A chance telephone conversation with a client may give me the absolute ultimate opportunity to get out of this soon-to-go-belly-up company. I'm crossing my fingers and praying hard that everything falls through and they are willing to accept me with my credentials. Haven't heard from them for almost a week now and I'm getting really2 nervous. I know that my chance are not that strong as he told me that the company usually tries to fill in the position internally but he'll put in a few good words for me. Aghh...the agony of waiting.

It's gonna be a sad week for me too. My boss is leaving in 2 days' time and I don't know how I'm gonna cope without him. He is by far the best boss I've ever had and I feel that there's still a lot I need to learn from him. We made a great team and it's really sad that he had to leave in the present circumstances, and when I need him most. But I wish him well, and hope that life treats him better on the other side of the fence. I did tell him to keep a lookout for me too if anything good comes up. Can't keep all your eggs in one basket, they say :P

I am meeting the MD of the prospect new company later this morning for another chat. I have to be honest and tell him about the other possible opportunity and that I need more time to contemplate. I just hope that it doesn't put me in a bad light as we have been in talks for almost a month plus now and I still haven't given my decision.

The end is near..

It's the last few days of my maternity leave and i'm so dreading to go back to work on Monday. Furthermore, fasting month starts tomorrow which i'm guessing will make it even worse as i won't be able to have my usual morning coffee..sigh. what a way to start work after the long break. But mostly, i'm so not ready to leave my two precious babies yet! Since i've started Mia on a regular routine, things have been so much better for my housemates. Mia's been a good night sleeper, which means we've been getting the much needed rest at nite too, yeay! thing is, now she's more wakeful during the daytime with several catnaps between 8am till about 5pm when she gets really tired and ready for bedtime, which is not until 7pm! so it's quite a challenge to keep her awake AFTER 5pm, to give her a bath and last feed before 7pm. hmmm.. i reckon this will be quite a challenge for my Mum who'll be in charge of my charges when i go back to work on Monday. kesian her, dahle our new maid's like not quite learning the ropes as fast as we wish she would. Never mind Imran, she can't even manage the house work well yet. but i persevere, in the hope that one day Imran will accept her and allow her to do basic things like change and feed him. Otherwise, i can't bear to torture my Mum like that and will consider taking another sabbatical or perhaps resign.

Yup, i think i've sort of made my mind up about resigning. thing is, i'm not really sure where i wanna go or what i wanna do yet. Half of me wants to take up the challenge at the new company but the other half yearns to spend more time with my kids at home and bring them both up properly. Every working mum's dilemma i guess. i can't wait till Iskandar's promoted next year hopefully. If the salary increase is sufficient, i really don't mind cutting back on my expenses, downgrading the car, even letting go of the maid, just so I can be a full time Mom. With Mia so young and vulnerable, and Imran so active and curious, it would be a shame to miss all the wonderful discoveries they make and milestones they achieve. Those things money can't buy.

That's it for now. Mia's sound asleep, didn't finish her 7pm feed, as expected, she passed out halfway again. It's Mummy-Imran time now, i.e. dinner with Tigger & Pooh, Animal Mechanicals or whatever else is on Playhouse Disney!

Mia Aleena Putri - born 22nd June 2009

Here's a few snapshots of my precious princess..

Coping

It's been a month plus since the birth and I'm getting used to functioning with 3hrs of sleep (or less). Mia's sleep pattern is still reversed, i.e. she sleeps all day and stays up all nite. My efforts to keep her awake during the day time so that she sleeps at nite has so far been futile. Last weekend had friends over to visit, sisters actually. One of them also has a 3 yr old and an 8 month old. Listening to her story on how she got thru the sleepless nites which seemed endless and frustrations of trying to maintain her sanity between caring for her toddler son and baby girl at the same time sort of made me feel a bit better. She recommends a book on training babies to sleep through the nite, something i would definitely try on Mia once she's ready for it. It worked on both her children, but the thing is she said I need to prepare myself, i.e. be strong for the crying nites for at least a week before the baby learns to sleep through the nite. For now I can say that I'm truly prepared for anything just to get a good nite's sleep!

It's a little less than 3 weeks till i go back to work, something i look forward as well as loathe at the same time. My boss has recommended me to the MD of this company who is looking for an Engineering Unit Head. We had a meeting to discuss the job, salary and stuff and so far he's quite agreeable to my terms. Now the ball's in my court. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to take on such a huge responsibility. Being in the industry for just 5 years, I think there's still a lot more i need to learn and people I need to impress. But my boss told me that he's confident that I can do this, and I know for a fact that he doesn't trust or give his recommendations so easily and for that I'm quite proud of myself and honored too. We've scheduled a lunch together, my boss, the MD and myself. I hope I can give them the answer they and I are looking for.

Mia's still having her nap and Imran is with my Mom, perfect time for me sneak in a quick nap too before the little lady wakes up for her feed. Till then, ....zzzZZZzzzzz..