Never enough

Am feeling really lousy despite the coming weekend. In fact, i'm sorta dreading going home later, following the events of last nite and this morning. Iskandar told me this morning bout the argument he had with MIL this morning over a stupid thing - how I failed to prepare a proper dinner for the family last nite. I guess he finally came round over how childish and rude he was over the incomplete dinner and was trying to defend himself and me when MIL remarked that she wouldn't serve such lousy dinner to Papa and her sons.

I accept that perhaps I did blew dinner, but I do believe that she wouldn't say all those things if he didn't make a big fuss of it in front of her in the first place, knowing FOR A FACT how sensitive MIL is when it comes to my shortcomings in caring for her son and grandchildren. I am trying damn hard to come home in time every effing day, through the stupid crazy jams of KL, with a rushed stop at the supermarket to buy things to cook for dinner, and then race home in time to give Mia her last feed, put her down by 7pm and start dinner.

Yesterday was even worse coz I had to drive to Melaka early morning on assignment and was super exhausted after the long drive and longer day on site. Especially hard as I had to tend to Mia when she woke up for a feed at about 3am (Alredi asked a favour from him to handle the night feed since i have to be up really early, but of course he didn't wake up, what was I thinking??). Imagine how insulted and humiliated I felt when he keeps pointing the fact that I blew dinner, right in front of his parents. Now they don't even want to eat at home anymore coz it seems like its too troublesome for me read: I can't cope being a working mum and preparing a complete dinner for the whole family (plus two maids).

I wish he was sensitive to my feelings and respectful enough to not humiliate me like that, but what can I say, things have been said and done. I tried to be thick skinned and just take it calmly last nite but when I found out what MIL thought about it, I just can't hold it in anymore and the tears started to flow. Maybe I'm not a good enough wife and mother, what more daughter in-law. I'm not trying to be perfect, but I'm trying so effing hard to keep everybody happy. Why can't he do the same for me?????

Wish my mum could come back sooner. There's just too many ppl in the house I can't breathe.