brownies

friday's finally here, yeay! but tonite won't be so yeay for me - just got 6 orders of brownies from a friend who's expecting her 2nd kid - mengidam la nih. so, u know what they say bout an expectant mum's cravings - to be fulfilled at all costs or else! or else apa pun tak tau, but yea the pantang larang is like that. it is said that if a mum's craving is not satisfied, her baby will be endlessly drooling, u know like how we girls get around shoes, bags, men etc. that we so badly want but can't get ;-) tsk tsk..so yeah i don't wanna be held responsible for that.

on the other hand, i quite like doing this baking stuff. cliche as it sounds, it really is relaxing and therapeutic for me. especially when im working with chocolates. i just love the texture and scent of melted dark chocolate. yum. it all started when a close cousin of ours who's been our regular supplier of these heavenly brownies moved away to dublin 2 yrs ago. of course we missed her and the kids very much but for me it's far more painful as i was SO addicted to her brownies. went to try others but they were just no match for hers! so when a close friend invited me to attend a cooking class, which includes making brownies, i jumped at the chance! after several adjustments to the recipe and switching some of the ingredients, i can say that i have sorta perfected my craft of making the perfect scrrrumptious brownies (to me at least). then it was time to try it out with friends and relatives. needless to say, they all love it, with repeat orders coming in day by day, esp. during raya period. made quite good money too!

now if only i can find a contact to hook me up with secret recipe for the supply of brownies at their restaurants..

happy weekend, all!

he's 2!

my son is turning two in two days. and what an amazing two years it has been bringing up this little person. the sleepless nights, high pitched screams, vomits, tantrums etc all seem to melt away when i think of the tremendous joy he's brought into my life. that gorgeous toothy smile of his.. gosh this angel/devil of a kid can get away with anything!

to imran who probly won't ever get to read this for at least until he's 10 - Happy 2nd Birthday my precious son, you are the best thing that ever happened to mummy n daddy... sorry for not being able to stay home and play with you every day, you know there's nothing in the world we'd rather do than spend time with you. but mummy n daddy have to work until we pay off all our loans and until daddy's boss gives him another 10k pay raise so mummy can finally quit her job and start off our own bakery/childcare/kayaball business.

anyways, am planning a small do for his birthday this weekend..not like last years' big bash with entertainers galore :P just family this time. setting up the kiddy pool and a little buffet table for the kiddies in the backyard while the adults can makan2 inside. hope the weather is kind that day.

it's off to toys r us now for the party paraphernalia!

hmm..

hmm..the political situation in this country is getting really worrying. in one hand, it's been quite an exciting few months since the March GE but the ensuing twists and turns of events are not so promising with the scandal involving the judiciary, the phenomenal comeback of a former political pariah, the was she/wasnt she involvement of the DPM's wife in the blowing-up-to-bits of her hubby's alleged lover and now a fresh allegation of unsavoury sex acts involving the former political pariah which got the whole world (well, at least the US which might as well be the whole world) screaming foul. ive always been a quiet admirer (not necessarily supporter) of anwar albeit not being a registered voter myself (dont believe in any of the of the contending parties) . initially the allegations seems like a desperate act of the higher powers to bring him down again but now that he's got his ass (pun intended) backed up by Washington and probly their allies sorta affirms the issue of him actually being a pawn to the US in gaining control of the running of this country and her economy. and come to think of it, is the PM/DPM/whoever hates his guts dumb enough to actually come up with this gigantically idiotic plot to take him down by using the same accusations in 98 that at the end of the day was proven false by the courts?

whatever it is, the timing couldnt be worse. with the ppl still reeling over the blow from the recent huge increase of fuel price and rising costs of living, another national crisis like this could cripple our economy as the impending recession (albeit speculation) looms near. makes an average jane like me shudder to think bout the future of her family in this once prosperous country.

i should seriously put some thoughts into our proposed kaya ball business plan now... times are hard and likely to get harder.

the test

we've recently started trying for a second kid. its only our second month into the "ordeal" haha, not the process of course, but the agonizing wait for the next expected period, which to our despair, came and went. so its almost the time of the month and stupid ol excited me impulsively bought myself another preg test kit. gosh just thinking bout the dipstick in my bag is pure torture! wanted so much to take the test immediately just to put myself out of this misery. at the same time, its just so hard to bear to see yet another blank window.

wish me luck! am gritting my teeth with anxiety as im writing this!

Inferiority complex

Thank god its Friday. Taking my parents out for seafood dinner later - owe them so much after putting up with us freeloaders for the past 2 yrs :P Mum told me also that we dont have to return the money we owed her for the house renovations - sort of her housewarming gift to us! Love you Mum! naturally hubby felt uncomfortable of accepting such an "expensive gift" after all we have NOT done for her. he insist on giving her some money every month. sukati lah. Im just glad that now we can really concentrate on doing up the house nicely and also to replenish our zero-ed bank accounts!

Hubby called to whine bout one of our..say, acquaintances he bumped into during lunch, and how she was going on and on, bragging and comparing her kid with ours! like how he can count up to 10 and stuff. SO insecure lah that woman. I admit, imran's no einstein (yet) but he ain't a dumb kid either. de lil guy really knows his way to get what he wants.with that cheeky smile, whimper2 and when all else fails - the infamous 16-octave scream that can match Mariah anytime. all that aside, hey, let a kid be a kid, i'll say. I've been getting loadsa crap in my email bout the food we should/should not give our kid, activities for the kid, classes to enrol them in etc.etc. so as to raise a so-called child genius. and it really annoys the crap out of me. so what if my 2-yr old can't count and says "aperteetee" instead of "butterfly" and "hoyeek" instead of "shoes"? he's still the cutest, most adorable and perfect child to me and I will make sure that he has a healthy, wholesome and happy childhood, with parents who will be there for him every step of the way, much like the way I was brought up. and if it means keeping him away from overly insecure parents (relatives, friends) who cant stop comparing our kids, then so be it.

a long hiatus

it has been 4yrs since my last post - guess its only fair to provide just what's been happening with my life throughout the times. Well, for the past two years, Ive got pregnant, gave birth to an adorable baby boy and moved back to live with my parents while waiting for our new house to be completed. Finally moved into our new place just last week after months of blood, sweat, tears and curses!

how's that for a quick update?

more later.

anniversary!

we celebrated out first wedding anniversary on monday..hubby sent flowers to my office that got evryone ejek-ing me..but the best part was when i got home,i was greeted with this nice portrait of us on our wedding day-with a post it note n a heart-shaped chocolate wrapped in red.there was a clue on it which led to a few other clues as to wher my present is kept..it was really cute!he got me running all over the house searching for clues!mcm budak kecik!..oh yes,in the end i found my present..a yummy lingerie set n a cuddly stuffed cat.he knows im crazy bout cats..

wow..its been a year since were married..wat a crazy roller-coaster year too.so fast time flies.quite a challenge to get to wher we r today tho..almost lost ourselves at one point.the fights,sulks,tears..n how we managed to get thru each of it by thinking back bout the reason we got married in the first place..love.n somehow all the fights seemed to fade out.all is forgiven..somehow we saw that nothing is worth risking our love and sacred bond. ever.and in the end we always manage to come to a solution to each issue that got us fighting at the first place.

i hope the coming years will be kinder..

thank god its friday!

wow,been a while since i last wrote in here..pretty bz wif de new job..its been great so far..juz the breath of fresh air ive been waiting for.environmt's great,office is snazzy n the work is exciting!i love it!so cant wait to got to work next week hehe.my boss is cool too,juz watching him n listening to him while he solves a crisis wif de clients is juz inspiring.i juz wish i can hv more hours in a day to pick his brains out.

weekend's here..oya,its the malaysian idol finals weekend too!my pick?JAC lah of course.such a beautiful,beautiful voice.siti whats-her-name's days are numbered!

goin back to kg tomoro..to visit my poor old sick granma..she's recovering frm dengue fever..poor nenek.feel bad coz havent been goin back to see her for quite some time.guilty of taking things for granted?well...yeah i guess.looking fwd to see her coz we wont be goin back for raya.spending raya wif in laws in brunei instead.biasa lah,hv to take turns lah hehe.quite looking fwd to that too..cant wait to catch up wif our frens there..lyah shud be all blown up by now!im sure the baby will look as gorgeous as she is..n lovely marilyn n her super macho man :)..mike n her dramas hehe..cant wait to see all of em again.great bunch of ppl.

ok lah,hubby's out of the shower..god he's been in there almost an hour!gile mandi bunga ke apa!!
oh ya,its friday nite..SHAG nite! :) i mean,evrynite can be shag nite but friday's a bit special lah hehe..ok,gonna light up the candles..put on some bryan mcknight..get the mood on ya know what im sayin? :)

here's to a great weekend!

*hun-dy i have a blocked nn-dose..*

feel so damn groggy today.chilly nite last nite n din get much sleep coz my nose was blocked.how crappy is that..had a long day n was so looking forward to crash on the bed tapi ended tossing n turning n bugging the shit out of my man with my restlessness :P nothing worked;i took a sleeping pill,had vicks vaporub slathered all over my chest n nose,propped my pillows higher ..din work..i think i passed out at one point coz i woke up in a rather awkward position..with a stiff neck,and two huge kuih pau-sized eyebags!

ive juz finished clearing out my desk..still need to look for a big box to dump all my stuff in.god i hv a lot of junk,lets see..toothbrush,toothpaste,nailclipper,files n folders,organizers,keychains,kitkats,my huge collection of sharpened pencils(cant stand unsharpened pencils!),mineral water bottles,payslips,photos,tax return forms,technical manuals,bank statements,cellphone bills,textbooks,magazines,posters,paperbags,cellphone charger,and last but not least,my huge trusty coffee mug which has helped a lot during those stressful times and long nites at work.

can't believe im actually gonna leave this place tomorrow.dunno lah..as much as i hate this place,i know im gonna miss it so much too.its always been a love-hate relationship i guess,'tween me n this place.

i remembered having big dreams of bringing up this place 2 years ago,changed all outdated equipment so that our service will be more reliable and efficient to the public..also tried to change my staffs' working attitude so that they will work better together..did i succeed?oh well,unfortunately,the company's dire financial status sort of membantutkan some of my plans of upgrading the system and network..but a lot had been done and improved which is good enough for me.but i dunno bout the attitude change part.i see most of them are quite ok about taking orders from a young,female boss.maybe the time when i renovated the whole office complete with brand new plush furniture n fresh coat of paint(peach!)helped me into their hearts a bit.oh god,u would never imagine what i felt when i first stepped into this office..my initial thoughts were like.."damn,is this where im gonna spend 10hours of living a day??its a bloody reban ayam!!" i admit there are a few who r a bit skeptical n cynical bout the way i run my little unit here..but id like to think that i did my best here,did whatever i could to help and motivate my staff to work better.din juz order ppl around,got my hands dirty too doing the job with them.

..now off to greener pastures!!mooooo!!

not so manic monday

weekend came and went too fast!blurhg..so not ready for monday :(
aaanyways,last nite had a family dinner thing.celebrated my bro's 28th bday.it was fun,haven't seen my lovely nieces n nephews for a while.as i was holding my bro's 3 month old baby,Emelda,sleeping and drooling in my arms..god i cant wait to hv one of these beautiful things of my own.
next year ok,sayang..i hope he/she will have his beautiful eyes..and my curly hair! :) ..sshhhh..i secretly hope the first one is a girl too!
counting the days until i start my new job.still havent start clearing out my desk tho..kesian my colleague who will be taking over my post here,hv to squeeze into one of the small cubicles while waiting for me to vamos.
today's going by painfully slowly..cant wait for friday - alicia keys coming to town!

down bad memory lane

hubby suggested dat we go down to seremban and visit our old skools over there..juz to see how much things have changed(if any).he used to go to KTJ n i was a TKC girl.its not that i hate the skool,it was the most fun time of my life..the frens i had..still as close as ever with the girls.however many fond memories i had while i was there for 5 years,there was still this little black dot in my memory book.a black mark ive managed to block out for so many years now.you see,the more closer i got to my skool frens,the more far apart i got with my parents and family.i never really got over the thought that i was actually sent there by my parents so that they can be rid of me.ok,maybe that's not wat they actually said to me but that was how i felt.i mean,id always had the idea that im not the favorite child in the family,and sending me away for 5 years just about confirms it.it was horrible..seeing all my other frens' with their parents n siblings..laughing together,picnic-ing round de skool greens..family weekend outings..while i literally had to beg,pujuk,even cried on de many phone calls to my mum..juz to make them come visit me.juz to remind them about the other daughter here who really2 needed their love,assurance and support..i felt abandoned here..like they didnt care at all,like they're relieved that im out of their sight.all i needed was to be in constant contact with my family,to know wat's goin on in their lives,to share the hell stuff i had to go thru here..instead,they cut me off.i truly despised them at one point.exam seasons were the worst,while other parents came down to visit their kids and give moral support,i had to lock myself up in my room n pujuk myself.it was terrible..during PMR n SPM,they couldnt be bothered to even see me n wish me luck n doakan me!n all this while they were staying a merely 45 mins away!

but that was then..eversince i left skool n came home,was really difficult,getting used to being a part of the family again.conversations were always short,polite and very awkward.quarreled with my mom constantly.she was always criticising my frens,my life,decisions i make,the guys i go out with.i felt that she had no right whatsoever to do all these things to me.she never cared for 5 years,why start now?i kept mostly to myself in my room n spent more time with my frens.until now,even when im married,i still consider myself a stranger to my family.hardly see them..only on special occasions like birthdays..but i try harder now that i no longer live with them.they're still the only family i have right..ive been able to block out the bad times i had at skool..but im not ready yet to go back n be reminded of those awful times.even writing about this is painful..

about sarcasm

we were having dinner one rainy nite when hubby asked me this.
"Yang,do u think i'm a sarcastic person?"
it so happened that his boss comented on his knack at sarcasm.
as a matter of fact,i answered,Yes,you are.
even me,the Queen of Mean;ive managed to mellow down and swallow my nasty remarks(most!) whenever he asks or says anything even remotely..err..senseless(?) eversince we got married last year.a sense of respect for my husband,maybe,but surely its because i know those nasty remarks hurt and cuts deep into your heart;especially when it came from the one you love most.pedihnya hati.
i mean,is sarcasm necessary when you've known eachother inside out,and trust eachother completely that all your thoughts and feelings can(or should) be shared and respected as its own?
if you dont agree with anything;just plainly say so.minus the sarcasm and tone.i deserve that much respect as a wife

new job

yep,i'm finally getting my ass out of this shithole place im workin at now for good.another 9 days and ill be rid of this fugly place.i'm amazed as for how i managed to tahan working here for 2 n a half years anyways.even my bosses and colleagues are amazed that i lasted this long.haha.the job itself is great,very interesting and is sooo what i want to do when i graduated 2 yrs ago.But sadly,the attitude of the ppl working here..macam sampah.its hard to get things done when u work with a bunch of ppl who do nothing,keras kepala,complacent and always looking for something to complain about.complain,complain,complain!semua nya salah;boss salah,management salah,government salah,dia sorang je betul.classic malay attitude lah.hard to admit but this is the reality i face every single day of my working life and its so destructive to my career that I had to find my way out.I accepted the position at first coz to me it'll be a great opportunity to be a part of a giant organization.loads to learn and experience.but i never once thought that the attitudes of certain ppl would be but a hindrance to me achieving my goals here.stress levels gone up to the red zone too.
so,im moving to a new company as of 1st Oct.smaller company,no doubt,but definitely looking forward to the change of environment.fresh start,fresh faces,more challenges.was kinda hard making my decision to leave coz i really love what i do here.thanks to dear hubby for supporting my decision;even helping me draft my resignation letter.most importantly,for backing me up when my parents and siblings kutuk me for leaving such an established organization for a smaller fry..
ok,gotta go now.later.

First Post

aaahh..finally,a lil spot of my own.my thoughts.my feelings.my opinions.
but what shud i write about?
my life?my marriage?my job?
my life is boring..my marriage's great n my job sucks.that about sums it all i guess.
what else??
ok..ill take it easy lah for dis first post..nothing heavy..baby steps,they say.
will write more later lah..so blurred out now that i finally have my own blogspot.tah hape hape la..